CHAPTER EIGHT




Summer break passes by so quickly that Riku is a little caught off guard when August starts coming to a close and it’s already time to go back to school. It’s been about a month or so of watching Maku and Megumi while their parents are working and he’s honestly been enjoying this routine more than he enjoys teaching. And maybe that’s a little biased of him to say, yeah, but it’s still true. These two are his favorites and it’s not like he’s all that subtle about that. 


But, you know. Riku loves his other students as well. Just, like… a little less.


It’s the last weekday of vacation when Riku arrives at Sion’s place to an unlocked front door and a barrage of noise coming from inside. He pokes his head through the door and blinks in confusion at where the ruckus is coming from - the kids are nowhere to be found but Riku still can’t help but notice three very familiar, not-so-subtle voices ringing out from the kitchen. 


Sion, of course, is unmistakable. “Gumi, what’d Appa say about touching the burner!”


“It was an accident!” Megumi’s voice is petulant, grating out on a whine. “I didn’t mean to, I swear!”


This is all a little funny if not very, very curious. Riku tiptoes inside and slips off his shoes in the genkan and in the other room, Sion scolds again: “Seriously, you two! Ma-kun, watch your hands!“


“Sorry…”


“It’s fine, just- ugh, you guys need to be more careful!”


Riku can’t help but feel very lost about what’s going on right now. He drops his bag to the floor and creeps further inside. “Um. Sion-san?” Riku calls out. There’s a clatter from the kitchen when his voice, too, cuts through the bickering in the other room. “Are you guys okay in there?”


“Riku!” Sion calls back. Normally he says Riku’s name in that familiarly affectionate, very doting tone, but today he sounds almost frantic. “S-stay there, okay? Don’t come in here!”


And, well, Riku has no idea how to take that. He stands in the genkan and stares at the vague mess of the living room around him. There are papers and various art supplies strewn everywhere. That’s not untypical for Megumi, no, but Sion keeps it pretty clean most of the time. 


So a little wearily, Riku calls back only to make sure everything’s okay: “Well, is everyone alright in there?”


There’s another clatter. But then Sion yells back: “Yup!”


And okay, well. He’s not quite sure how to feel about this. But he doesn’t have much choice, does he - Sion is stubborn and Megumi is even worse, so there’s no way they’re giving him any real answer - and so Riku just sits down on the couch obediently and waits. He scratches at his neck and ignores the vague bickering of Sion and Megumi in the other room, along with a quieter, more stressed voice that has to belong to Maku. The curiosity is damn-near burning, but alas. 


Riku knows to pick his fights with Sion and Megumi and this is definitely one of those times when it’s better not to push. Lest he ruin whatever surprise they’re planning, or… or maybe it’s some kind of scheme? Either way, he can’t help but be weary.


But, like, it’s probably fine. Probably.


Riku sits and waits as he was told to and it’s a few minutes later when he’s finally allowed to join the rest of them in the kitchen. “Close your eyes, Sensei!” That’s Megumi.


“Um. Okay.” Riku’s hesitant but he listens, covering both of his eyes with his hands as he stands up from the couch. But then he’s not sure how he’s supposed to navigate the room with his eyes covered like this - or at least not without tripping over something - and then heavy-set footsteps are approaching him. That must be-


“It’s just me.” Sion’s voice is low, fond. But it always is, isn’t it? Riku feels helpless but to follow as Sion rests two hands on his shoulders and pulls him forward in a gentle tug. “C’mere, I’ll help you.”


“Wh-” Riku is nervous about all of this, but even so, he tries to keep his balance as Sion slowly guides across the living room. This is- they’ve never made him do this kind of thing before. Riku can only ask: “Should I be scared?”


Sion’s chuckle is more amused than Riku would like. Hands squeeze his shoulders and thumbs rub soothing circles into his nape. “No, no. Come on. Just trust me.”


And, well. Riku trusts him. So he follows Sion’s footsteps and puts his fate in hands. One foot in front of the other, in front of the other, in front of- god, if he eats shit in front of his students, he’s going to strangle Sion in his sleep. That makes his worry pique again. 


But after only a few more steps, Riku comes to a stop in what he can best guess is the dining room. Sion squeezes his shoulders again and asks: “Are you ready?”


Riku tries smiling and it’s a very unsure thing. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to feel ready after being ambushed like this, but he supposes he’s feeling as much at ease as he can. And so he nods and confirms: “I’m ready.”


“Okay, open your eyes on the count of three.” The grin is audible in Sion’s voice as he lets go of him and steps away, his presence fading a little with distance. “One… two…”


Megumi gives him the last count. “Three!”


Riku opens his eyes. For a few seconds he can only blink, adjusting to the light in the dining room. But then he looks down at the table and- oh. Wow. His eyes immediately water. Is this what they planned for him?


“Is this for me?” Riku turns to Sion. “You didn’t-”


Sion smiles wryly. “It wasn’t my idea. You can thank the kids.”


Maybe Riku is overreacting to what is in all honesty kind of a poorly-crafted gift. But across about three different plates is a bunch of misshapen and burnt pancakes with a message sloppily written across them in whipped cream: “THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, SENSEI!” Parts of it are crossed out, some characters misspelled. There’s also a banner hanging on the wall with some of Megumi’s doodles and Maku’s neat handwriting that says “we had a fun summer with you!” 


All of it is very haphazardly put together - and very clearly the work of a seven and eight year-old - but wow, this is so sweet. No one’s ever done this kind of thing for him before and sometimes early childhood education is a thankless career and Riku is just- he’s honestly on the verge of crying for real. 


“Don’t cry over this,” Sion chides. But Riku tears up anyway, because Megumi comes in to hug him and he’s honestly just so touched.


“Do you like it?” She asks. “It was my idea!”


Riku smiles and hugs her with one firm arm. “I love it, Gumi. Thank you. You’re so sweet." He beckons Maku in on his other side. “You too, Ma-kun. Thank you so much...”


Maku’s shyer but he doesn’t mind a gentle hug. Riku smooths over both of their hair. And then he looks at Sion, who only grins back. Though he has his phone out, which is-


“Are you taking a picture of me?” Riku wails, a few tears falling. “You’re so mean!”


Sion laughs. “No, it’s a video.” And, well, that’s even meaner.


But still, this makes his heart feel very, very full. Riku’s not babysitting in exchange for money; that was his stipulation for doing the gig. He’s just doing it for the love of the game and so he can help Sion and Sachiko out, and he really wasn’t expecting any kind of gift in return. But this is a nice surprise. Riku’s not necessarily the biggest fan of pancakes or anything but the kids’ hard-work is the sweetest thing he’s ever seen, and so they share another round of hugs and then he ends up sitting at the table with a little one on either side of him and ready to dig in to their very beautiful breakfast.


“This is so nice,” Riku sighs. He grins up at his boyfriend, who grins back. And then Sion jerks his head back in the direction of the kitchen and he mouths: I made you something else, don’t worry.


And wow, Riku can’t complain about being spoiled like this. He has it pretty great, doesn’t he?


Their last hangout of summer break passes much the same as usual. Sion goes to work and they sneak a kiss before he goes, which is great, because Sion is incredibly sexy in his work getup and Riku just likes the reminder that all of that belongs to him. And then, of course, things with Megumi and Maku are as easy as ever. Even the second graders are assigned a good deal of work to complete over summer break so they’ve spent most of their time working on that, along with covering some things Riku has learned about coping with autism in the online course he recently finished. That doesn’t necessarily help Maku out in any way, but he has no problems with doing worksheets with Megumi and learning about how to emotionally regulate. And it’s very sweet of him to be so indulgent, really - it’s changed the way the two of them interact with each other and their friendship has only strengthened.


So after a whole month of all of that, this week Riku’s been having them work on learning sign language. And that is… well, you know. It’s a bit of a struggle at times. But that’s moreso because Maku and Megumi are mostly using it to bicker with each other.


“I’m hungry,” Megumi signs a little sloppily to Maku. Her motor function isn’t that great, like, generally speaking, but her hand movements are legible from what Riku can discern. Or at least that’s based on the videos he’s been watching, which is probably questionable in terms of their validity. But resources are scarce around these parts, so.


“You’re always hungry,” Maku signs back. Megumi blinks at him, hard. So Maku fingerspells: “Y-O-U. I-N-S-A-T-I-A-B-L-E.”


Riku snorts. It’s hard to get used to it, sometimes, watching kids their age use words like “insatiable” as part of their everyday vocabulary. But the both of them just tend to speak like that and as is only expected, Megumi immediately pulls an offended face in response.


“One day I’m gonna be taller than you,” she signs, “and I’m gonna stomp on you.”


“Megumi!” Riku scolds out loud. Maku just laughs, as usual, but even so Riku can’t entertain this. “It’s not nice to say that kind of thing.”


“Sorry, Sensei,” Megumi mumbles. She doesn’t seem all that sorry, not in actuality, but she bows her head in apology while sending Maku a dirty look, who himself seems all too pleased. Megumi tells her Sensei, her eyes round and perfectly innocent: “I’m still getting a hang of it. I think I mixed up my words, I was trying to compliment him…”


Maku rolls his eyes and Megumi sends him a snide look out of the corner of Riku’s eye. Wow. Sion was right, Megumi really does have a troublemaking side to her. And it doesn’t help that she always knows the exact right things to say in an apology, never mind that her facial expressions are hardly ever the least bit sorry.


So Riku only sighs, ignoring the two little schemers pulling faces at each other from either side of him. “Okay, okay. Let’s just break for lunch. You guys are getting grumpy.”


He goes into the kitchen and takes some omusubi out of the fridge that Sion left for them. Both of the kids are happy to be fed, at least, though when they get in their little moods of annoying each other there never seems to be any real animosity between them. Riku nibbles at his own omusubi and taps his finger against the table, thinking, because he’s not quite sure how he’s gonna keep up with teaching sign language once the school year’s back in full swing. He can’t exactly take time out of class to teach them even though all twelve of his kids would benefit from learning. Maybe they can have weekend sessions instead? But that’s more work on him… 


But if Riku only has to tutor Megumi, then that’s not much time out of his day… plus he might be hanging around here anyway if Sion still needs someone to babysit during the school year… or maybe Sion would rather have Yushi do that… Riku still has to be the one to bring it up because Sion never asks for his help outright…


Hm. Riku chomps down on his omusubi. Things this summer have been going really well and Megumi is definitely improving in terms of her coping skills, he’s just worried about the consistency for the future - she really needs to have these habits down before the school year ends and she leaves his classroom. All of the other teachers are already aware that Riku is somewhat of her point-person, but still, it’s better on all fronts if she’s able to advocate for herself when she needs to. And he can’t help but worry about that, Megumi floundering when she moves up a grade and he isn’t there to walk her through the hard stuff.


So. Hmm. 


The thing is that doing all of this work has been helping her out more than Riku thought it would, in that by the day Megumi’s been less prone to mood swings and she’s gotten all-around better at communicating her needs. It took her a while to remember that she can simply sign when she goes non-speaking, but now Megumi’s more communicative in the times she doesn’t want to talk because she can keep the signs simple. Like “I’m hungry” or “I don’t wanna talk” or “I need to lay down.” This will definitely help things at school, too, or at least in his classroom it will. Riku needs to find a way to rope Sion into this to make sure she keeps up the practice. But really, Sion has so little free time and it’s a lot harder for a frazzled, overworked adult to learn sign language than a carefree, autistic seven year-old.


So that’s something he still needs to figure out. Riku sips down some tea and watches Megumi and Maku split the last omusubi in half because he could use the distraction from figuring out logistics in his head. Maku takes the rice ball in both hands. “Here, we can-”


He pulls it apart and the two sides end up being incredibly disproportionate in size. Riku can see it on Megumi’s face that she wants the bigger half. It kills him not to intervene, but at this age he should be letting them figure out how to resolve conflict on their own.


“Wow,” Megumi drawls. “One of those is a lot bigger than the other…”


The two of them are usually pretty amicable with each other but calling Megumi food possessive would be an understatement and Riku is curious how they’ll work this one out. Maku tends to default to selflessness - god, he’s such a good kid - but there are times where he, too, gets a little snippy over food.


But then, as always:


“Take it,” Maku offers it up immediately. He holds out the bigger half to her, and Riku knows it must be obvious even to Maku that Megumi has a void of a stomach, plus her eyes always get so hungry the second food is placed down in front of her.


“No, you,” Megumi bites out. Then she looks away, as if the omusubi is a great temptation for her. At least she knows the motions of the polite thing to do. That’s a step in the right direction.


Riku smiles. Megumi’s manners aren’t the worst in the world, and considering that she’s on the higher ability end of the spectrum, she’s better socialized than she sometimes comes across. Sion worries about her incessantly on the social front but after working with her one-on-one, Riku isn’t too stressed out about it. Megumi just needs time to warm up to people and school could be an environment that’s well-suited for her as long as she gets that time. And Maku is perhaps the best example of her being able to get along with other children her age…


Though when it comes to these two kids in particular, they understand each other a little too well. Maku plops the bigger half of the omusubi into Megumi’s hands without a second thought. He even sends her a look: “Just take it.”


And, well. That makes Megumi grin and she’s a little too pleased for her own good. “Well, if you say so.”


They get along so, so well. And that’s great, really, because Megumi can be kind of abrasive to kids her age and so it’s not that surprising that she tends to get along much easier with adults rather than other children. But Maku is hardly perturbed by the more eccentric aspects of her personality, nor does he take her teasing seriously even when she takes things too far - Maku is shy, sure, but he isn’t really that sensitive to criticism and he seems to be rather in tune with Megumi’s mood even when she herself can’t articulate her feelings. Sion worries about that, too, but Riku grew up in a small town similar to theirs; when you spend your entire childhood with the same dozen people, friendships will naturally bloom over time. She’ll be just fine.


Riku watches, amused, as Maku nudges Megumi in the side while she takes a huge chomp out of her omusubi. “You’re welcome, you know.” He’s teasing in the way he always chides her when she forgets her manners.


It’s cute. Megumi nuzzles her face into his shoulder in lieu of a hug. “Thank you, Ku-chan, you’re my favorite.” Grains of rice are left behind by the motion, which Maku blanches about.


“Why are you so messy!” He complains, picking a few of them off of his t-shirt and the strap of his overalls. This is a pretty common occurrence with them, to tell you the truth, though most of that has to do with Megumi having no physical awareness about anything and Maku being the most well-mannered little boy in the entire world. 


“My bad,” Megumi takes another bite of her omusubi. “You can borrow my shirt.”


Maku makes a face. “But you’re tiny. And I’m big. And-” Yeah, they really love annoying each other. Maku breaks into a grin when Megumi bats at him. “What? It’s true!”


“When we’re in high school,” she vows, “I’m gonna get real tall and dunk you like a basketball!” 


But that only makes them dissolve into giggles, so really, they’re doing just fine.


Riku smiles and eats the rest of his omusubi, happy to sit there and listen to the both of them squabble like they usually do. It’s easy to feel confident about the future these days and really, that’s more than he thought he’d be able to accomplish this summer. He managed to stave Suzuki off Megumi’s trail until something more dramatic happens, but he’s hoping that the meltdown issue can be mitigated for the most part as noise cancelling headphones are a non-negotiable, and also he suggested that Sion gets some sensory activities if he’s able to. Riku was looking at some kind of swings online, or a small trampoline or something. Megumi’s got the same kind of hyperactivity that her dad does so if she gets that energy out she’s less likely to get overstimulated. And of course nothing can really solve a developmental disorder, but the more Megumi settles down here, the easier time she will have dealing with the push and pull of everything. 


Or at least that’s what Riku’s hoping. His boyfriend thinks he’s a little too optimistic considering how severe Megumi’s separation anxiety is, but that’s because Sion is so paranoid. Things will be fine - Riku knows they will. He isn’t a child psychologist but Megumi has already made two major moves in her life and now that she’s finally settled, surely that has to mean something. Surely. 


Riku’s got more stuff he needs to start focusing on again anyway. It’ll be September in a few days and with that, school is starting up again. Which is- well, you know. Being a second grade teacher isn’t a job he’d necessarily consider to be easy or anything. And with that reminder of the chaos to come, Riku sprawls out half under the low table and sighs out as the fan blows at him from the corner of the room. He’s worked surprisingly hard this summer and he doesn’t regret it, he’s just… he’s a little tired. It feels kind of like he’s been preparing for a marathon or gearing up for an exam season back in uni...


A finger pokes at his cheek. “Sensei? Are you okay?”


Riku smiles when Megumi crawls into his side. “I’m fine, honey.” He accepts her hug. The fact that she loves latching onto him will be an issue when school starts up again, but that is a problem for the Riku of the future. Sion says Megumi doesn’t usually like cuddling with anyone like this and that makes it pretty hard to deny her anything. And also the brownie points Riku gets with his boyfriend because of her is, quite frankly, invaluable. 


So, like. Riku can’t really complain, can he?  


“Oof.” He grunts a little as Megumi’s weight presses down on him. Riku has no idea how Sion handles a kid this big crawling all over him all the damn time, but he squeezes Megumi in close anyway. He hums. “It’s our last day. Should we go out and do something fun?”


“Like what?” Megumi asks, pressing her cheek to Riku’s. You can tell she’s interested by the idea, which is good. There are days she refuses to leave the house and those are the times when Riku really starts understanding the struggle Sion goes through as a single dad to an autistic kid. 


“I dunno,” Riku sighs. Megumi is scared shitless of bugs so going on picnics or hikes is asking for trouble. And they’ve done pretty much everything to do in this town twice over, and so Riku thinks and thinks and thinks… “Ah. What about the pool?”


“The pool?” Both the kids perk up at the same time. Maku rolls in closer from where he, too, was laying out on the floor, suddenly very interested in their conversation. They both really love swimming. And that certainly makes Riku’s life easier. 


“Sure.” He could borrow one of Sion’s swim trunks or something. He looks to Maku. “Did you bring your suit, Ma-kun?”


“Yeah.” Maku’s been bringing it everyday in case they break out the hose or something or other. So at least there’s that.


“Alright, then,” Riku grins. “I’ll pack some snacks. Go get your swim stuff on.”


Almost immediately, the kids run off to go get ready. Riku busies himself in the kitchen to prepare some food for them while sending Sion a call. He doesn’t necessarily need the parents’ permission to take the kids out, but he likes to heed the warning. Plus Sion should be on break right about now and Riku wants his attention.


Because, like, you know. He never claimed to not be a clingy boyfriend. So it’s only fair that Sion dotes on him as much as possible.


The phone rings three times. And then: “Kitty?” That’s how Sion picks up his call. Riku blushes a little at the fondness in his tone.


“Hi, Sion-san,” he leans against the counter and packs some veggies into a bento box with a dumb smile on his face. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”


“Nope,” Sion says. “But even if you were, it’s fine. I’m actually in the onsen right now.”


It takes a second for him to process that one. Riku blinks down at his phone. He’s- “You’re in the onsen? During work?” And then: “You have your phone in the onsen?”


“It’s a private one,” Sion chuckles. “I’m not gonna give you the details, but I had to do something gross earlier, so I needed to wash off. I was gonna use the public shower but Yushi told me to just get in ‘cause no one reserved it this afternoon…” Sion trails off. And then his voice lowers an octave, teasing: “Why? Wish you were here?”


Ugh. He’s always so mean. “No,” Riku pouts a little, even though yeah, he does. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m taking the kids to swim at the community center.”


“Ah, okay.” Sion, as usual, has no qualms about Riku’s plans. “Can you handle both of them at once?” He always asks that even though Maku and Megumi are both as docile as kids their age can get. 


“I think I’ll be alright,” Riku smiles. He closes the tin he filled with cherry tomatoes and fills another one with some tiny little grilled sausages. “But we’re gonna spend the afternoon there, so when you get back we might not be home yet…”


“Then I’ll meet you for dinner,” Sion hums back. “‘Kay? I’ll take everyone out. It’s a special day.”


And wow, Sion is really so unbelievably doting. Riku would be more embarrassed about the way he’s smiling down at his phone if anyone were to see him, but he’s alone in the kitchen, so he presses a hand to his cheek and lets himself grin. “You don’t have to. I can feed them.”


“That’s not what I meant,” Sion clicks his tongue. “I wanna feed you.”


Goodness, he’s relentless. Sometimes Riku can’t believe how giving Sion is for someone who has been through so much. The domesticity of their relationship has gotten a little staggering and Riku knows that’s kind of daunting for the both of them - Sion has his hang ups and Riku has never dated someone in such an emotionally intimate way before, so it’s a little anxiety-inducing to be central to someone’s life when he’s spent so many relationships having to hide in the shadows. Or, well, both of them have. 


And yet Sion’s still so… Riku’s pretty sure that his boyfriend is trying to spoil him. Or at least it seems that way. And hell, he loves it so much that it makes him feel, like, terminally lovesick.


So:


“Okay,” Riku relents. “Takeda’s? Or you can meet us at the pool and we’ll go from there. I might need help once they’re wet and cranky.”


“Yeah, I’ll meet you there,” Sion agrees. His voice is sweet, a coo: “I’ll see you then, baby. Be good for me, okay?”


Riku blushes. Now Sion’s saying it on purpose. “I will…”


Sion chuckles. “Cute.” And then he hangs up.


Ugh. He’s so- he’s annoying, just a little bit, in a dreadfully endearing and incredibly cute way. Riku’s ears are red as he stuffs various snacks and bottles of water into a bag. In the living room Maku already has his swim trunks and a t-shirt on. Megumi emerges from her bedroom in a full getup of swimsuit and goggles. 


“You need a change of clothes, too,” Riku reminds both of them. And then: “I’ll be right back.”


Sorting through Sion’s closet is a familiar motion now. They don’t have sleepovers very often - they do want to be cautious in front of Megumi, as oblivious as she may be - but he always makes a point to steal something when Sion isn’t looking. And yeah, he also steals stuff even when Sion is looking. It’s more fun that way. But now Riku’s got the whole clothing situation locked down. 


The swim trunks are easy to find. It’s good that he and Sion are similar sizes in the waist. Riku puts the trunks on before returning to the living room, where Megumi is holding a bundle of clothes in her fist and Maku, similarly, has his clothes in-hand.


“I’ll get a bag,” Riku smiles. And then, having sorted everything out, off they go.


At least Maku and Megumi are very easy to wrangle. Seven and eight years old is on the cusp of puberty so it’s rare for children their age to be overly needy, but even so, they’re both especially laid-back. Megumi and Riku walk hand in hand while Maku trails off to the side, his hands in his pockets. Megumi chatters on about a book she recently read about American cryptids. Riku has no idea where she even finds this stuff, but Sion swears he clears everything she sees. So it can’t be anything too crazy, right?


But still:


“So Bigfoot is called Bigfoot… because his feet are big…” Maku is incredibly unimpressed. “That’s kind of lame.”


Megumi huffs. “Yeah, well, they have casts of his feet! If he’s real, his feet are bigger than you!”


It’s very easy for Riku to space out as the two little ones bicker incessantly on the walk to the pool. The community center is in the heart of town so it’s not a far journey from Sion’s place, either. Riku bows to the girl who works the front desk. He hasn’t been here very many times, so he’s not sure how packed it’ll be…


“Sensei, the pool’s that way,” Maku says when Riku fully turns down the wrong hallway.


“Of course,” Riku laughs sheepishly. “You’re so good with directions, Ma-kun!”


He ruffles Maku’s hair, who smiles. Megumi leans hard into Riku’s side and needles: “I’m good with directions too, Sensei…” She really does love getting praised, huh.


“You too, baby,” Riku pinches her cheek with a grin. 


Megumi grins up at him, swinging their laced hands. “Hehe.”


Maku inevitably has to be the one to lead them to the pool doors, but that’s fine - Riku can admit as an adult that something he gets lost, too. “Ah, it’s not so busy,” Riku leads them inside. There are only very young kids in the water, all accompanied by their parents, which is honestly probably a best case scenario since Maku and Megumi are both pretty meek around other children. So Riku has to level with his own kids: “Guys, don’t horseplay, okay? I think you’re the oldest ones here…”


Maku nods. Megumi squeezes his hand. “‘Kay, Sensei.”


And, well, it’s convenient for Riku that Maku and Megumi are both strong swimmers, though he still sits at the pool’s edge and keeps an eye on them while they doggy paddle around. They’re very mindful of the small children, which makes Riku feel very proud of both of them - he only scolds when they splash each other. “Megumi! Maku! That’s not nice!”


“Sorry,” Megumi parrots back to him. Though the stink eye she’s sending Maku can’t be a good premonition at all.


“Sorry,” Maku sends Riku an apologetic bow of his head. But he doesn’t look very sorry, either.


They’re easy to entertain. Or, well, they can easily entertain themselves and also each other. Riku just kicks a little in the water as the afternoon drags on and on and on. They have one snack break and wait the appropriate twenty minutes before getting back in. Riku isn’t usually stringent about those kinds of things but Sion definitely is, and for his boyfriend’s sake, Riku will play it a little stricter than he normally does. 


He wipes at Megumi’s face after she devours a bag of potato chips. “Don’t get crumbs in the pool.”


“I won’t,” she promises, which isn’t even a little bit convincing. But alas, back in the water they go.


A new wave of families come in in the late afternoon and Riku recognizes a lot of the parents and kids from school. But then he spots Sayuki, another teacher, who comes in with two kids. Riku waves. “Sayuki-san!”


“Oh, Riku, you’re here.” She’s carrying a boy who can’t be older than three and trailing behind her is an older girl who can’t be any younger than his own kids. “Wow. Why aren’t you home? What happened to being on break?”


“I’m babysitting,” Riku grins. He points at Megumi and Maku. “I got myself a gig.”


He and Sayuki have always been pretty close, as she’s only two years older than him and as the teacher of the fourth graders, her job is similarly rowdy to his. Plus Sayuki is a tried and true extrovert - there isn’t a single teacher in their school who hasn’t been roped into one of her schemes. “I got a gig too,” she sighs, setting her pool stuff down next to Riku’s. “My sister moved here recently and she’s making me- oi, Iyori, don’t run!”


Sayuki’s niece sends her a guilty smile from where she was very obviously running to the pool ladder. But then she’s cannonballing into the pool, and, well. That’s just how it is.


Riku smiles. “So they’re new, huh.” He waves at the smaller boy in Sayuki’s arms, who grins at him. “Ah, you’re so cute.”


“Ryouji is always nice to beautiful people,” Sayuki deadpans. Riku chuckles but the look on her face is dead serious. “No, look, hold him.”


Riku is a little admonished but he takes the toddler anyway. “You just want me to do more work.” And given the grin on her face, he hit the mark right on the head.


“You’re just magical with the little kids, you can’t blame me.” Sakyuki’s shoulders ease up now that her arms are free. “He just turned three. Iyori is nine. So she’s gonna be in my class and Suzuki’s gonna think I’m playing favorites ‘cause she’s gonna be the smartest one there…”


“Oh, definitely,” Riku says. Sayuki has great temperament for teaching and she’s absolutely not the coddling type, but again, Suzuki is a hard-ass over the most benign of things. So he points to Megumi and Maku. “Those are mine. They’re in my class, I’m just helping their parents out.”


“Hm?” Sayuki’s eyes gleam. “Are they troublemakers?” Of course she wants to know - she’s getting them in two years and also she has a chronic condition called Being A Huge Fucking Gossip.


Riku smiles. “No, not really. But Megumi is… um. She’s special needs. So.”


It’s not something Riku really goes around talking about because most of the teachers at school are lenient with Megumi on principle, and also stigmas tend to be louder than reality. But Sayuki hardly blinks. “Is she?” It only takes a scan of her eyes: “A learning disability, right?” Megumi doesn’t exactly present as a kid with anything unusual about her right off the bat, does she.


“Autism,” Riku says. “Or, well. I’ve got no choice but to suspect.”


“I see.” Sayuki looks thoughtful. Everyone Riku meets is generally judgemental at first glance, but that’s engrained in all of them on, like, a societal basis. Elementary school teachers are a little less weary of these things, though, because they’re used to dealing with all kinds of kids at the rowdiest point in their lives. Sayuki only asks: “Is this Megumi a handful?”


Riku shakes his head. Because in all honesty, she’s not. “Not any worse than Haru.”


As expected, that gets a reaction. “Ugh,” Sayuki groans. “Don’t get me started on Haru. I can’t believe he’s only nine, he acts like a demon and his mom is all ‘my little boy? No way!’ and I just wanna say ‘well, your little boy is a devil spawn, so I’d appreciate it if you could-”


The afternoon passes by a little faster with another adult to keep him company. Riku keeps an eye on the kids while he and Sayuki chat and he bounces Ryouji in his arms. He doesn’t realize how much time has passed until his phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s from Sion. Are you still at the pool?


“Oh, shit,” Riku mumbles as he swipes his lock screen open to reply. He forgot to keep track of the time. He texts back: Yeah, sorry, I got distracted…


No problem, Sion says. I’m outside.


“A parent?” Sayuki asks as Riku smiles down at his phone. “Or, maybe not? You look enamored.”


“What are you saying,” Riku laughs it off because while he knows his similarly-aged female coworkers definitely suspect he might be on the less heterosexual side of things, he simply cannot be overt about how things are with Sion for the sake of, like, work politics. “It’s Megumi’s dad,” he tells her. Though that doesn’t mean the fondness isn’t still blatant in his voice.


Goodness, he really should be less obvious. But it’s just kind of hard to act normal about Sion, is the thing Riku is finding out about himself. So.


As expected, Sayuki doesn’t look so convinced of his excuse. “Really? Her dad?”


“Yup.” Riku pockets his phone. Little Ryouji is asleep in his arms and he tries passing him back over to her. “We’re getting dinner, so-”


Sayuki’s stare intensifies. “You’re getting dinner?”


He blushes. “Not like that, it’s also with-”


“Riku,” Sayuki whispers in a scandalized voice, taking Ryouji back into her arms, “I didn’t think you had it in you. You’ve always been such a goody-two shoes, I had no-”


Riku goes bright red. “What does-”


But it doesn’t matter how he plans on (unsuccessfully) defending himself, though, because their conversation is cut off by an approaching figure. “Riku,” Sion calls out with a smile. “Hi.”


He’s at the other side of the pool and even from afar he is so handsome, and that is- it’s disturbing that that’s where Riku’s mind goes. But Sayuki gives Sion a look over with widening eyes and her hand clutches onto Riku’s arm. She hisses: “You? And him?”


That makes Riku blush even harder. “What are you saying!”


But Sion rounds the corner of the pool and bows his head in greeting. “I didn’t realize you were with a friend.” He smiles kindly at Sayuki and not even Riku can read what exactly that look means because it’s still surprising, even now, how good Sion is at coming off as very calm and good-natured. And sure, he can be both of those things. But also not at all, not really. 


“I’m Nakano,” Sayuki offers her hand, and for some reason she’s grinning. “Maeda Sensei is my colleague.”


“Oh,” Sion shakes her hand, which is a little unusual given how formal it is, but alas. “I’m… uh.” He points at Megumi. “That’s my kid.”


Sayuki wriggles her eyebrows at Riku. “She is, isn’t she?”


Riku fights the urge to groan. He and Sayuki aren’t exactly friends on the same level he is with, say, Daeyoung, but they both started working at the school around the same time and she has what most people would call ‘a lack of tact.’ Riku and Sayuki’s relationship has always been a little too comfortable given the very chaotic nature of their jobs. His ears are pink and he swats at her shoulder: “Stop it.”


It’s- this is so embarrassing. Riku glances back over at Sion, who’s looking at where Sayuki’s hand is clutched onto Riku’s arm. Which is- he knows that Sion is prone to jealousy, but that’s still ridiculous given that she’s a coworker. Riku has half the mind to say something but then Sion is turning away to call the kids.


“Gumi, Ma-kun. Are you hungry?” He waves them over. “Let’s go get dinner!”


“Appa!” Megumi, as always, is overjoyed. “You’re here!”


And, well, at least there’s that. Sion goes around to the side of the pool with the ladder and helps both kids out of the water easily, taking each one by an arm and hauling them up in one heave. Sayuki squeezes Riku’s bicep again. And okay, yes, that was very sexy of him. It’s hard not to feel a certain type of way about Oh Sion in general, but then he goes and does Hot Dad Things…


“Come on,” Sayuki whispers. “You and him, right…?”


Riku avoids her eyes. “That’s inappropriate, Nakano-Sensei.” He’s half-joking, sure, but still.


And yet the reminder means nothing, of course, because Sayuki doesn’t know what boundaries are. “Riku, come on. I won’t tell anyone. But this is- this is better than any other teacher gossip.” That almost sways him, even if only because it’s true. “Misato said you were really close to a dad but I didn’t think-”


“Misato said what?” Riku asks, admonished. “Do you guys gossip about me?”


It’s a bold accusation, but Sayuki just shrugs. “Well, you’re young. You’re attractive. And we get bored.”


Riku has half the mind to- “How could you guys-”


His mind spins a little but Sion returns to him with both kids in tow. A firm hand lands on his shoulder. “I’m sorry to interrupt,” he smiles something pointedly good-natured, “but you owe me dinner.”


Riku goes red. Sayuki immediately lets go of him and grins. “Of course! I wouldn’t want to interrupt!”


In all honesty, this is- this is a bit of a culture shock. Just a bit. Young women are probably more accepting when it comes to gay relationships, but this is- Riku’s suddenly really worried that his and Sion’s relationship has been open knowledge amongst his coworkers for months. Is that why all of them dote on him like that? What is he to them, a hopeless little gay boy? Should he be worried about the fact that he’s apparently been so obvious this whole time?


Riku looks up at Sion, then to Sayuki. “But- but you-”


Sayuki mimes her lips being zipped shut. “Have fun at dinner.”


And, well. If that’s how it is, then Riku isn’t left with much choice. He only says in a very small voice: “Text me about- I wanna know what Misato says about me.”


But as he should’ve expected, Sayuki just waves him off with an evil, evil smile. “No way.”


Riku really wants to argue but unfortunately he has no choice but to leave it at that. Reeling a little bit from this revelation - and Sayuki’s very easy acceptance of both his sexuality and his relationship with a parent, what the hell - Riku’s being pulled to his feet by Sion. And he’s being pulled along, too, his boyfriend having packed everything up and lugged it over his shoulder. Sayuki doesn’t even spare him a second glance. 


Is this just how things are now? Riku’s just the Gay One?


“Why do you look like that,” Sion murmurs, squeezing a hand on Riku’s shoulder. He keeps it there until Riku turns to look at him. His boyfriend is pouting, of all fucking things. “What, you’d rather talk to her than hangout with me?”


God. Sion is so- Riku should’ve seen this coming. “It’s not that,” he smiles, a little exasperated. “I’ll tell you what we were talking about later.” Because this concerns the both of them, huh. That’s a terrifying thought.


But Sion’s pout only deepens. “Later?”


Riku sighs. His hand finds Sion’s and he squeezes. He drops his voice: “When we’re alone, Sion-san.”


And, well. At least that makes him back off. Sion stares at him for a second longer before relenting and letting go. “Ah, okay, fine. I see how it is.” For a second Riku can’t tell if he’s genuinely bothered or not but then Sion smiles. “Though when we’re alone I don’t know if we’re doing much talking, but-”


Riku puts a hand over his mouth, sending a dubious glance at Maku and Megumi trailing after them. “Let’s just eat.”


So they go to dinner. Riku has known that Sion is a jealous kind of person - given his past it makes sense, but Sion is also just kind of possessive about people in general -  but he doesn’t make it overt besides staying close to Riku’s side as they walk to Takeda’s. Riku would cause a stink about it except no one really spares them a second glance with the way Megumi is pulling them along. So he’s letting Sion get away with being a petulant little baby just this once, though a part of Riku is curious about how deep the jealousy goes…


Or, well, hm. He doesn’t really want to test Sion’s limits. But Riku would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little enthralled by how intensely Sion looks at him when no one else is watching. “Stop it,” Riku whispers over Megumi’s head. “You’re being so obvious.”


“I’m just looking at you,” Sion whispers back. And then he smiles innocently. God, he is simply incorrigible, and so Riku goes pink and ignores the staring all together. 


But dinner ends up being extremely normal, if not slightly bittersweet that summer break is over come Monday. Riku is teased by his boyfriend for the extremely bland bowl of ramen he orders, but that’s fine. Megumi tells her dad all about the day they had while Riku and Maku eat. This is how Riku gets his taste of revenge - he’s leaving Sion to the hyperactive child’s mercy and getting to enjoy his food in peace.  


“And we did breathing exercises,” Megumi tells her dad. “Do you know how to do those, Appa?”


“Um…” Sion blinks. “No, I guess not.”


“You’d benefit from them, too,” Riku tells him. And when Sion sends him a look: “I’m being serious. Maku’s doing them. So am I.”


Maku nods. See, he’s such a good kid.


“Then I guess you’ll have to teach me,” Sion sighs as he smooths over Megumi’s hair. Then he reaches over to redo her ponytail. “What else are you doing? For um… emotional regulation…?”


“Stimming,” Megumi says simply. Riku grins. He enjoys how matter of fact she is about all these new things she’s learning. “And sign language.”


“Ah, okay…” Sion looks confused again. “Sign language?” It’s hard to tell if he’s more confused or intrigued.


But Riku still tells him: “You should learn, too.”


Sion makes a face. “Stop it. Is this for me or Gumi?”


The teasing is a little satisfying when it makes Sion squirm, so Riku lets him win this time even though it’s true he could be using these coping methods himself. Megumi and Sion certainly both live in the “constantly overstimulated” department even if Sion is a fully-functioning adult in all aspects of life. Riku secretly hopes these things will rub off on his boyfriend by proxy - Sion could definitely stand to learn to relax more, couldn’t he? Even his kid is more laid back than he is, these days. 


The thing is that Riku understands why Sion used to worry so much, really - Megumi used to be quiet and flighty and scared all the time and that’s definitely something a parent should worry about. But now she’s more talkative and more open to meeting new people and she doesn’t seem scared at all, and yet Sion is still…


He still worries so much. Riku wishes he wouldn’t, but again, Sion doesn’t know how to do much else. And maybe that’s the issue.


Like, it’s just true that Megumi’s having an easier time being away from her dad the more she learns about self-regulating. She hasn’t even been complaining about Sion being away whenever they have dates, though she still refuses to go to sleep unless her Appa’s there to tuck her in and there are still days the separation anxiety is really bad and she spends hours sniffling to herself about Sion being gone at work. But for the most part, Megumi is a different kid. She is a brighter, more giving, much happier kid than she was when she first walked into Riku’s classroom back in April. And he just wishes that Sion of all people could see that. 


But the more their conversation goes on, the more lost Sion seems. And, well, maybe that’s only apt. This is a man who’s been barely surviving for years because of how worried he’s had to be, and now his kid is finally blossoming. That probably can’t be an easy thing to contend with, huh…


So: 


“We just need to keep up the sign language lessons,” Riku tells his boyfriend in a very light voice. “That way she can give you cues when she doesn’t want to talk. It helps make your emotions feel smaller, Gumi, right?”


Megumi nods, chomping down on a fishcake. Sion’s eyes meet Riku’s and he looks, predictably, very confused. “Cues?”


Riku’s explained a lot of this to him already but as with most things, Sion has a lot on his plate and all the lingo is just more for him to remember. So Riku just nods, hooking his ankle with Sion’s under the table. “Yeah, it’s an easier way for her to communicate. So we have to keep up the work.”


Sion makes a thoughtful expression though it’s also a little stormy. It’s always been very fascinating to watch him take in these things, as Riku has come to learn over time that Sion openly loathes the fact that he and Megumi relate a lot in terms of their struggles - Sion has told Riku before that he hates that she has copied what he calls his “bad habits.” But they’re not habits at all, really, Riku has a suspicion. He’s not sure how much Sion himself knows about neurodivergency as a whole but these kinds of things tend to travel from generation to generation and the two of them in particular are… well. They’re very much father and daughter.


In the same vein Megumi will have a meltdown, Sion has a tendency to shut down when he is overwhelmed or “doesn’t want to talk anymore.” He never gets angry or loud, he will just plop himself down in a chair or on the couch and go silent, only rubbing at his forehead and disengaging completely. Riku’s only seen it happen once or twice, and both times it was because Megumi was clearly overstimulating him. But she seems used to it, too. When Sion gets like that she knows to quiet down and distract herself while Appa closes his eyes and says nothing. Riku had watched this all go down with what was probably an inappropriate amount of intrigue, but still, Sion keeps himself on such a short leash that it was hard not to be in awe when after only ten minutes, he slapped a smile back on his face and apologized. He is so relentless in that way, only giving himself so little time and so little patience and putting Megumi first.


Riku has mixed feelings on the matter. Sion is still very much in denial and they haven’t been dating long enough for Riku to try to unpack that with him - nor is he really qualified to - but it’s apparent that their stubbornness is very much hereditary. Sion loathes that, but that’s just how it is, and even after just a month of work the difference in Megumi is palpable. For her Appa it could very much be the same, right? Riku’s new goal is to similarly train his boyfriend to (1) treat himself well and (2) learn how to cope or even just, like, let himself feel emotions. Riku’s just gonna have to be really subtle about it because Sion is, indeed, the most stubborn man he has ever met…


But it’s not the time to scheme just yet. He watches Sion pick at his ramen with a slightly forlorn face. “So I need to learn sign language.” Sion lets out a tired sigh, though it doesn’t seem to be because he’s upset by the idea. His free hand reaches out to ruffle Megumi’s hair. “It makes you feel better, baby?”


Megumi leans into her dad’s hand and smiles. “Yup.” 


Sion manages a small smile of his own. He looks over at Riku as he pets over Megumi’s hair, and at least it’s impossible for him to deny this much. “I can’t believe it. You’re really a life saver, you know,” he tells Riku. Though that never changes; Sion says this to him at least once a day.


Riku’s ears go pink, but even then, he grins. “I guess I am.” 


After that, they end dinner with little fanfare. There’s no point in dragging things out when they’re tired, and so they head back to Sion’s house to change out of damp clothes. But after Tsugumi picks Maku up a few hours later - and Sion has sent them off with plenty of food - his boyfriend says to him: “Spend the night.”


“Sure.” Riku agrees easily. But he sends a glance to Megumi, who is tucked in on Sion’s other side as the three of them sit on the couch together. 


Sion’s hand sneaks between them and his fingers curl into Riku’s. His whisper is low. “Trust me, the swimming wore her out. She’s not gonna question it.” 


And to Sion’s credit, he’s right about that. Megumi actually puts herself to bed for once, which is slightly shocking. “I’m tired,” she gets up and yawns as she slumps off to the hallway. “G’nite…”


Even Sion is admonished. “You don’t want to cuddle?”


Megumi only doubles back to give him a hug, as if thinking better of it. But her resolve is firm: “No, I wanna sleep.”


And, well, it’s a little funny. Megumi’s quick to retreat to her room, only sending Riku a sleepy bow of her head. For a second they both sit there in silence. And then Sion sends him a sideways look that reads something like what the fuck was that?


“I think she’s learning independence,” Riku says lightly. Off in the distance is the sound of a bedroom door sliding open then sliding closed. He presses in closer to Sion’s side, resting his head on his shoulder. “She’s less reliant on you now. It’s good. She asks about you less during the day…”


Sion’s head dips down so his cheek smushes against Riku’s forehead but he doesn’t look particularly happy about this. It’s a little funny how petulant he gets about Megumi growing up, though it’s also a little heartbreaking. “But…” Sion frowns. “Do you think she needs me less?”


That’s- it’s silly. Riku squeezes Sion’s hand; every other parent he’s ever met would be begging for their kid to finally stop clinging to them and yet Sion, as usual, has a much different outlook on things. So Riku tells his boyfriend as gently as he can: “I don’t think it’s that. I think she’s more comfortable in her skin than she used to be.”


And, well. At least Sion nods. It’s a very slow movement, though he doesn’t say anything. Or maybe he doesn’t know what to say. Sion stares off at the TV with a faraway look in his eyes; Riku watches him for a few beats before turning away himself.


Because, well, you know. When Sion finds his thoughts, he’ll be here.


It takes a while, longer than Riku expects, Sion’s hand rhythmically squeezing his. Riku waits. Sometimes he wishes he could be privy to Sion’s mind because then it’d be easier to talk him out of the spiraling, probably. Or it’d be easier to show him how good he is. Or it’d be easier to tell him that even when everything else in Riku’s life is plain and boring and kind-of-actually-terrible, Sion is but a beacon of excitement and fondness and hope. But Riku’s not here to read his mind. He can figure Sion out on his own time - for now he just wants to reassure him. Sion deserves that much.


It’s maybe a minute or two before Sion decides to speak. He presses into Riku a little closer and then sighs. “I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I’ve been hoping Megumi would eventually trust other people. I’d even- I would even pray about it.” Sion’s voice is low, tired, a little amused. “But I’m still surprised by how sad I feel.”


Riku looks back over at him. Sion’s expression is more thoughtful than anything else but there’s something wet in his eyes. Riku laces their fingers together even tighter. “Why are you sad?”


He wishes he could understand, but again, that is a plight of parenthood that Riku couldn’t wrap his mind around even if he tried. Sion shrugs. “I don’t know. When she was a baby, her mom and I- we probably would’ve given anything to understand her. Megumi always stuck close to me and Tsuchiko resented me for it, I think, and that was- it was awful.” Sion chuckles an empty sound and wipes his eyes. “Ah, but, I don’t know. It meant I always knew that Megumi liked me the most…”


Riku softens. And of course he tells him: “She definitely still loves you the most, Sion-san.” That’s just true, isn’t it? Megumi looks to Sion unlike she looks to anyone else and even now she still babbles on about Appa did this and Appa did that and I can’t wait until Appa comes back home. 


Besides, there’s a very good reason that Megumi is so Appa-obsessed - hasn’t her Appa given his life to make her happy? Even Megumi knows that. Of course she does.


He watches Sion’s mouth twitch into a smile. “I know she loves me the most. But she’s all I have. And I don’t know, I don’t really want her to change…” Sion exhales but his smile doesn’t waver. “All of this is so good for her. But I’m kind of heartbroken, Riku. She’s growing up so fast and I kinda wish she was tiny forever.”


And, well, Riku thinks he can sort of understand that. Many parents have told him something akin to that before and Riku can imagine the feeling, watching someone who used to be so small and dependent on you suddenly be able to stand on their own two feet. He kind of feels that way about Ryo and even Sakuya, to an extent. Maybe not as strongly, but it’s easy to reminisce after you’ve seen a kid you love finally grow up. 


So Riku smiles, too. “I hear a lot of parents say that. I don’t think it’s bad that you’re sad. Isn’t it…” He doesn’t know how to word this. “Well, I’m not a parent. But I imagine you miss it when she was small, right?”


It’s funny. Riku doesn’t think he says anything particularly poignant, but Sion’s eyes water even more; as he laughs, a few tears run down his face. “No, I really do,” he sniffles. “She used to be the length of my arm…” Even more tears fall and he lets out a tiny, tiny sob.


The sorrow in his voice is so much stronger than Riku expected it to be and naturally he can’t help but feel a little alarmed. He’s not quite sure what to do. He’s- he understands where Sion’s coming from, getting all morose over Megumi changing and all, but… but is it really that bad?


“Are-” Riku moves in closer to his side. “Are you okay, Sion-san…?” He doesn’t mean for it to come out sounding so concerned, but to be honest, he’s very concerned. 


“No, no, I- I’m great.” Sion smiles through his tears, and at least he seems genuine when he says that. “Riku, I’m so happy she’s growing up well. I could- I wish I could-” Then Sion laughs again. “It’s bad. I wanna rub it in my ex’s face, ‘cause she gave up on Gumi so fast, and yet she’s- Gumi’s grown up so well. She’s so smart and she’s, like, perfect in every way…” 


Riku watches closely as Sion rubs hard at both of his eyes. “She is.” He only says it because it’s true.


At least that makes Sion grin back at him, squeezing Riku’s arm. “Right. That’s the thing. I’m so proud of her.” But then his smile fades a little bit and the exhaustion creeps back in. “But when you have a kid you don’t think about how you’re the only one who sees them all the way from when they’re born to when they’re grown, right? And everyday you’re kinda mourning that they’re not little anymore…” Sion sighs. That, too, is an exhausted sound. “I- it’s always been just me, you know? I’m the only one she’s ever had.”


Ah. So that’s what he means. When Sion puts it like that, parenthood does indeed sound like a very heartbreaking thing. And he’s always done it by himself, hasn’t he? Riku loops an arm around Sion’s shoulders and squeezes him in close. “That must be tough,” he murmurs. “I’m sorry.”


Riku’s only being honest. He doesn’t know if the inherent growing pains of raising a kid is something he would be able to survive. But Sion only smiles again, the same smile he always smiles, and it’s a fond thing. “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he says, squeezing Riku back. “It’s just a lot. Sometimes it feels like I wasn’t paying enough attention to the ways she was growing...” Both of Sion’s arms come around Riku’s middle and pull him in close.


And, well, Riku goes easily. He lets himself be yanked forward and he settles sideways in Sion’s lap, hugging him around the shoulders. He smiles down at Sion’s teary face and he, too, is fond. “So you’re crying ‘cause you miss when she was tiny?”


“I am,” Sion nods. He sighs when Riku presses a kiss to his cheek. “But I’m grateful that I’ve had so much help. I’m grateful for everyone. And for you, mostly.”


Of course. Riku should’ve seen that one coming; of course Sion would find a way to turn this back around on him. Riku’s smile goes sheepish. “I dunno if I’ve done that much for her…”


It’s hard to accept the responsibility he’s taken on when his and Megumi’s relationship has become so intimate without any of them realizing - Riku is now someone that Megumi seems to love and trust more deeply than either of them thought she would. And maybe that’s why Sion doesn’t argue. He just rests his arms around Riku’s waist and holds him, his face buried in his shoulder: “You’ve done more than you know. And it means a lot to me.”


Riku exhales. By now he’s used to Sion holding him like this and he’s used to the doting and the never-ending affection. But getting to hold Sion right back is something he’s fought to deserve and he wants his own comfort to soothe some of his boyfriend’s pain. Riku will probably never be able to understand the depth of what Sion has had to struggle through over the past seven years. Or, well, his entire life for that matter. But he wants to be here for him and hold him and wipe his tears. That’s the main thing.


“Well, you know, you’ve raised her well,” Riku cradles Sion’s jaw and looks down at him. His voice is quiet but he still means every word. “Sometimes talking to her is like talking to a little you, but in the best ways.” He smiles. “She’s gonna grow up to be a good person like you are, Sion-san.”


It’s not rare that Riku says these kinds of things, but it’s rare that Sion agrees with him or even, like, digests any of it. But his eyes water a little more and he closes them, leaning into Riku’s touch. Sion’s voice is low, a whisper: “You think so?”


“Yeah,” Riku tells him, wiping away his tears. He presses a kiss to the corner of Sion’s mouth. “Even if you don’t think so, I can see it. Megumi is lucky to have an Appa like you.”


Again, Sion is bad at taking compliments. But tonight he smiles and leans up for another kiss. “Thank you, Riku.” And then he laughs. “I- it means a lot to hear that.”


And, well, the day has been long. It’s been a long day and a long evening and a long night - eventually Sion’s tears dry and he slumps over in exhaustion. Riku leans against him and hums as Sion’s hand runs up and down his back. He soothes him the same way he soothes Megumi. But it’s different, right? Sion cares for them differently. Riku knows that because soon Sion is leaning up to press a kiss to his mouth and he says: “Come to bed with me.” If he were Megumi, Sion would be saying something more like Appa needs space now, please, baby.


“Okay,” Riku agrees easily. He moves to climb out of Sion’s lap. “Then I’ll-”


He doesn’t get very far, though. Because frighteningly enough, Sion’s shifting him into a bridal carry and lifting him up, up, up, and- Riku yelps. There’s a cracking sound in Sion’s knees as he stands but otherwise he is almost terrifyingly sturdy.


“Shh,” Sion grins down at him. “The kid’s asleep.”


“But you-” Riku’s face is red as he clings to Sion’s neck, though his boyfriend doesn’t seem to be having any trouble holding a fully grown man in his arms. Riku can only chide on principle: “Sion-san, be careful…”


“I’m so careful,” Sion’s smile is smug. And he is, in fact, pretty careful. There’s one wobbly step as he finds his footing but then Sion’s hauling Riku down the hallway, down to his bedroom. He keeps his voice low. “You’re not very heavy.”


Riku could stand to disagree. Sion’s arms are straining a bit but he still doesn’t really seem to be struggling. And that is- well. That is very sexy of him. And so Riku concedes: “I think you’re just… very strong.”


Sion’s eyebrows wiggle. “Am I?”


Riku smacks him lightly across the shoulder. He flushes. “Shut up.”


Once they’re in his room, Sion drops Riku gently down into bed with little more than an “oof.” As expected, he’s gentle even then. Riku catches his breath against the sheets as Sion closes the bedroom door and ambles over to the closet. “Any preferences?”


“Not really,” Riku mumbles. He feels shy now, for some reason. He’s slept over a few times before but usually it wasn’t so- things have just felt different recently. Like, more settled. Especially things with Megumi. They don’t have to tiptoe around her very much because she’s oblivious and recently he and Sion had another sit down and Sion seemed fine with the frequency Riku’s hanging around as long as he doesn’t overstep in their whole… teacher-student relationship. This is more than Riku thought he would have when they first became official. It’s a lot more than he was expecting and that is… it’s both a good and bad thing.


Or, well. It’s not bad, honestly, it’s just still a little daunting. Riku always felt like a mere secret with his past boyfriends and he is used to being treated like some kind of elicit affair. But with Sion they are already knee-deep in domesticity and things are so tangible between them and they are always close, always trusting, always living in tandem. Their relationship is almost at the two-month mark - Riku is used to that point being when people start getting tired of him and things start fizzling out. But of course things with Sion are the exact opposite, right? Of course they are. 


As time marches on, their relationship is only getting more and more serious. That makes Riku feel very nervous, very deep down, because a part of him doesn’t know what it’s like to be loved and he’s afraid he never will be. But again, Oh Sion is the kind of boyfriend that is hard to doubt the intentions of. 


So, you know, Riku will be fine. Or at least he hopes he will.


But Riku is very swiftly taken out of those thoughts when Sion, no hesitation at all, pulls his shirt off. Riku immediately goes red. “S-Sion-san-!” He has to cover his eyes like an honest-to-god schoolgirl because while Riku knows how endlessly sexy his boyfriend is, the reality of everything is sometimes too much to bear.


And, you know, there’s the No Sex thing. It’s hard to be given a temptation like Oh Sion’s pecs and still be told not to indulge. So. 


“I normally sleep shirtless,” Sion tells him with a smile. “What, is it too much for you?”


This is terrible. Riku wants to be chill and say that he’s unaffected by all of it, but then he’d be lying. He can only nod and look away, pressing his hands to his cheeks and staring blankly at some distant spot on the wall: “It’s still too much…”


And to be honest, Riku is embarrassed by his own reaction over something so tame. Like, really. But Sion only hums over the rustle of clothes. “Okay, then I’ll keep my shirt on. Wear this.” A shirt falls in Riku’s lap and he obliges, putting it on while Sion, too, looks away.


“Now pants,” Riku mumbles. A pair of shorts get thrown at him. Sion himself is in sweats. He looks at the wall while Riku changes, turning back when he confirms he’s all done. It’s sweet of him, if not very high school at the same time. But alas…


“Okay, enough of that, let’s cuddle.” Sion comes back to the bed to crawl under the covers and pull Riku into his arms. It still catches him off guard, sometimes, the force in which Sion will squeeze him close. “Mm. This is nice.” Sion presses a kiss to Riku’s temple. “I missed you today.”


Over the course of the last month and a half, Sion’s gotten a lot more frank with saying those things. Riku’s embarrassed again because just the sentiment alone makes him blush. “I missed you, too…” Though it’s still just the truth, isn’t it.


He nuzzles into Sion’s cheek and for a second they just relax into each other, both breathing out long sighs. “And yet,” Sion nips at his cheek, “you were flirting with your coworker while I was gone.”


Eurgh. Riku should’ve seen that one coming. He balks a little as Sion pulls him in closer, a smile on his face. So he’s not seriously jealous, is he. But Riku also knows he wouldn’t bring it up unless he cared. That’s so- he should’ve known this was gonna happen tonight. 


“I wasn’t flirting,” Riku grumbles a little. “Sayuki is my friend. She teaches the fourth graders. We were lamenting about the state of our industry.”


“Ah, so you’re on a first name basis,” Sion deadpans. Then he cackles when Riku pinches him. “Okay, sorry, I’m messing with you.”


“It’s not that.” Riku huffs, indignant, though he lets Sion pet over his hair. “I think she- I think she figured us out anyway.” Riku’s voice lowers a little as he speaks, half embarrassed and half nervous to share the news. “Her and Misato- er, another teacher- apparently, um…. They know I’ve gotten close with a dad…”


“So they think you’re gay,” Sion observes. “They’re half right.”


Riku sighs when Sion only grins back at him. He’s a little annoyed by the nonchalant way Sion is going about this, but that’s because it’s not really anything they should be joking about. “Okay, but shouldn’t we be worried? I don’t think they’d talk, but if they noticed, then other people might…” Riku trails off. He doesn’t like the implications of any of this and he’s very, very nervous that Sion doesn’t either. 


But Sion only leans in to brush the hair out of Riku’s eyes. Most of the lights are off in the room so Riku can’t really read his expression very closely, but Sion’s fingers are gentle, adoring. He sighs. And that, too, sounds fond.


“Riku, I told you I was always closeted, right? But I’m not really concerned about that stuff anymore. I like that you’re a little obvious.” You can hear the smile in Sion’s voice. “People in this town are already weary of me anyway. You know, because I’m a single dad. I’d be more worried about you…”


And, well, these are all things Sion has told him before. But still, Riku’s never dated someone who was okay with their relationship being obvious and on principle he still doubts that anyone would be. Deep down, Riku wants to believe that Sion isn’t ashamed to be dating him, and yet the fear persists. He doesn’t know what it would take for it to stop. He doesn’t know if it ever will and that’s just- Riku doesn’t know how to not expect his boyfriend to be ashamed of him.


That’s kind of the thing he’s been skirting around in his mind ever since Sion confessed to him that night in the park. Riku’s loathing may not be the same as Sion’s - like, not even a little bit - but for him it is also innate. So it’s just- sometimes something dumb like hope flickers to life in his belly and Riku tries to ignore it because he has been too hopeful a million times before and he can’t survive that light being squashed out again. That’s what it is, isn’t it? 


While Sion can’t have his heart broken again, Riku can’t survive being something his boyfriend feels guilty about. Not again. He was ignoring the feeling over the past few months, but the more settled they become, it gets more impossible to ignore. And he just… he’s scared.


Riku’s fingers curl into Sion’s. “I’m not really… I don’t mind that much, either,” he mumbles. Because he doesn’t think he does. Riku has never tried very hard to play the role as straight man because most of the time he can easily toe the line of metrosexual-and-raised-by-women-probably and sure-maybe-he’s-a-little-bi. But the doubt still rises in him anyway, because Riku mentions: “But you- you were talking about the, um. The church stuff…? And how you wanted to please your parents…?”


His voice sounds dumb and insecure and small. Sion sighs. “Those things mattered a lot more ten years ago. But I’m already divorced and a single dad and my kid is autistic.”


Well, he has a point there. Riku’s shame burns in his belly, and maybe that’s still better than being too hopeful. He hates sounding so needy at his age but this is an inevitability when he is dating older men and disappointed time after time, relegated to the shadows and being told he is only allowed to have what he gets and nothing more.


So Riku only points out, his voice a whisper: “But you’re not single anymore.”


He is expecting, for some reason, that Sion will disagree with him. Because isn’t it just easier to be single rather than date another man? Wouldn’t that be easier for Sion, who has lived and passed as straight for so long? But Sion chuckles a low, soothing sound. Lips brush against Riku’s. 


“No, I’m not single,” he kisses him. “I’m yours.”


God. It’s hard to be upset when Sion is so gentle, almost adoring. Riku sighs into the kiss and how soft it is. Sion can be an overwhelming presence when he’s keyed up but when he’s like this, he’s just so warm and sturdy and dependable. “Sion-san,” Riku mumbles. Something tingles up his spine when Sion squeezes his hip; he tries to not think about the nagging voice at the back of his head.


When he kisses you, you should be thankful, the voice says. He will get tired of you too, so you should thank him. You should remember what Shuuji-san did to you, and Hitoshi, and Hajime-kun, too. You should remember that everyone will always, always, always-


“Riku,” Sion answers him, cutting right through the noise in his head. Sion kisses him and it’s a languid thing, long and open-mouthed and doting even still. When he pulls away, his breath is a tad heavier. “Sorry, is this too much?”


This is terrible. Sion makes it so easy to be hopeful and Riku wants to say no, give me more, keep going, but honestly there’s something strangely arousing about their shared body heat and their soft voices and the way Sion makes the doubt in his head go quiet - Riku might genuinely get hard if they keep kissing like that. And he- he respects Sion’s speed, you know. He’s just happy they’re able to share a bed. 


So Riku nods and breathes: “Yeah, it’s a little…” And then: “You’re sexy. Sorry.”


That’s not really what he’s been thinking about at all but it’s still true, even then, and for a second Sion goes still. But then he laughs. It’s quiet - they have to be quiet, Megumi’s only the next room over - but he sounds fond. “Ah, is that what it is?”


“Don’t make fun of me,” Riku grumbles. But he smiles when Sion presses a kiss to his cheek. Right, he’s allowed this much.


“I’m not,” Sion says. “You’re cute. And you, too, you’re sexy.” Sion squeezes his hip before pulling away. “But I’m not gonna say anything else, because… yeah.”


Riku smiles a guilty, ashamed thing. “Yeah. Let’s not…”


They talk a little more before dozing off, all of it asinine and inconsequential and the kinds of things that two people who are dating talk about before bed. Riku buries his face in Sion’s shoulder and sighs, happier than he’s comfortable admitting. It’s fine when it’s just the two of them, when there is no one watching. Riku doesn’t think he can let himself get too hopeful but when they’re alone it’s okay to indulge. Sion wants him, at least for now. Or maybe he will want him for a long time. That’s never happened before but surely it’s not impossible. The doubt is loud in Riku’s mind but the affection is louder. For now, it’s… he should focus on that instead. 


“G’nite, Sion-san,” Riku mumbles. He squeezes Sion’s bicep. “Sweet dreams, okay?”


A head dips down to peck his forehead. “You too, baby.” 


And as Sion wishes, Riku dreams just fine. He sleeps well and he wakes up the next morning feeling rested, and while Sion is still asleep and snoring, Riku clings to his neck and hopes to whatever deity he should believe in that this man will like him this much forever. Please? Just this one time, please, I think I’m good enough for someone to love me.


His eyes are squeezed tight. Maybe he’s squirming more than he thought he was, because then there’s a hand running down his back and Sion blinks down at him. “Riku?” When they make eye contact, his mouth widens into a grin. “Good morning, beautiful. It feels like I’m still dreaming when I wake up to you.” And then Sion laughs.


Riku exhales. “Really?” He goes in for a kiss when Sion nods. “For me, too, you’re…”


He trails off. Sion’s hand cradles his face. “Lemme kiss you for a bit. Before the little one gets up.” And so they kiss, each one long and loving and maybe a little too hungry. Sion kisses him like he will want him forever and Riku squeezes his eyes closed, again, hoping he doesn’t come off as too needy. But Sion only laughs into his mouth, again. “God, you’re so cute.”


This is bad. Riku hopes and he hopes and he hopes and he hopes. And for now, that just has to be enough. 



 ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ 



It doesn’t take long for summer to turn into fall once school starts up again. Almost immediately Riku is overwhelmed with the responsibility of twelve kids instead of two but he’s happy to be busy again, as it’s pretty easy to get back into the groove of things once he’s back in the classroom. Everything considered, things are good. Things are really good.


And maybe Riku shouldn’t be surprised that things are going so well for him, sure, but considering the tumultuous rollercoaster that has been his 20’s thus far, it’s kind of hard not to be. His relationship with Sion is settling into something that feels very, very real instead of the suffocating, endless fondness with nowhere to go that he had before they started dating. And yeah, this all freaks Riku out more than he’d like to admit, but the fear is quelled - for the most part - by focusing on everything else he has going on instead. Riku has never thought of himself as a particularly anxious person, but alas. 


Even the most delusional of men have to come back down to earth every now and again. And that fucking sucks. But still, as always, he makes do.


Really, it’s not that bad to be a little doubtful. Riku’s mind is too preoccupied by work to dwell all that much over his anxiety anyway; he has his work cut out for him now that they’re back in school. The second half of the school year is always difficult for the little ones because they’re not used to the annual routine of returning back from summer break just yet, and after forty days without school, even the most calm of his students can start getting a bit unruly. But this year his class is taking it well. And even better, Megumi has gotten better at sharing and compromising with her classmates, which helps out both her and Maku, as Maku is better socially and can pick up her slack. It gets them an in with the other kids even though they still prefer to just stick with each other. 


The second Monday after the fall term has started, Megumi offers a crayon to Hitomi. “If you want,” she says, “you can help me color.”


“O-oh, really?” Even Hitomi seems surprised despite the fact that she’s been basically begging Megumi to draw with her all year. “I’d love to!”


Megumi makes a face when Hitomi crowds her desk with her, but even still, they’re able to draw in peace together and Megumi acts very cordial the whole time. Riku brings a hand to his chest and meets Daeyoung’s eyes across the room, who looks similarly relieved. Megumi reaches out to the other kids, like, basically never. This can only be a sign of more improvement to come. 


You’re a genius, Daeyoung mouths. And while maybe the idea of getting Megumi’s energy out through stimming was actually his idea, Riku is still happy to take the credit. 


So he grins and mouths back: I know. 


Megumi still isn’t really outgoing, nor does she seem all that keen on getting close with any of the kids besides Maku, but this is already more than Riku was expecting from her. They’re all going to be stuck together until they graduate high school - he prefers they start being friends now rather than later. 


Plus Riku gets to brag to Sion about it and finally say the I told you so that’s been on the tip of his tongue for months. And that is, arguably, the best part of all of this. 


“You were right,” Sion says over the phone when Riku calls him during his break. “I was just being paranoid, huh. She’s really doing better.”


And, well, getting someone as stubborn as Oh Sion to concede in any real way is an achievement if there ever was one. Riku grins. “See, everything’s gonna be fine!” He means it, too, because he is going to make sure that Megumi is well-loved and properly taken care of for the rest of the time she spends in school.


Sion sighs over the line. It’s fond, though. “I guess it is,” his boyfriend says in his usual warm voice. “Thank you, Riku. You’ve done so much for her. And for me.”


Riku blushes just a little bit. “Yeah, well. You deserve it.” And then he blushes even harder when that makes Sion chuckle. 


“You’re the best boyfriend ever,” Sion tells him. “I like you so much, did you know that?”


Admittedly the fondness does ease some of Riku’s doubt, though not entirely. After the surge into September they’re closer to three months of dating and it’s true that Sion, unlike all of Riku’s other boyfriends, isn’t losing any interest in him. If anything, it’s the opposite. That makes him feel better though it’s still hard not to be skeptical. But having a healthy level of skepticism is better than being straight-up delusional, right?


Riku smiles down at his feet, closes his eyes, and tries to believe that Sion means exactly what he says. And then he tells his boyfriend in a similarly fond voice: “You’re the best, too.”


So all in all, Riku can’t complain about how things are going. The job keeps him busy and so does the rest of his life and that feels like a good thing now more than ever. With fall comes harvest season, and Sion’s been stretching his time out to help the elderly in town with whatever they’re growing, plus he helps out the town council with preparing the old neighborhood houses for winter. Sometimes Megumi tags along with him - she has no interest in the gardening stuff but she loves playing makeshift carpenter with her Appa - but Riku babysits her most Saturdays while Sion runs around town, as his pace is usually too fast for her to keep up with. Riku always makes a point to spend some time practicing sign language with her, but they mostly just hang out and laze around and whatnot. It’s not like Riku wants to spend his weekends working; he’s not addicted to the rush of completing chores like Sion is, thank you very much, he will stay home and cuddle with his baby instead.


But even then it’s still alarming how busy they both are. Work takes up so much time and childcare, Riku is coming to realize, is still a full time job no matter how independent your kid is. Between juggling work and Megumi and everything else, he and Sion still can only make time for their dates on Sundays, and that just makes Sunday Riku’s favorite day of the week by default. He just has, like, nothing real to worry about when Sion is there to dote on him and take care of everything. 


And so, on this Sunday as they do every Sunday:  


“Hop in, baby,” Sion pulls up to his apartment complex. He smiles when Riku slides into his passenger seat. “You’re extra handsome today. Did you decide to look this pretty just for me?” He reaches over to pinch Riku’s cheek, though it’s more of a caress.


Riku blushes as he buckles in his seatbelt, and then he leans over to give Sion a peck on the cheek. “I did. Or maybe I’m all dressed up for my other boyfriend…”


Sion’s hand clasps his over the center console. “Really? Tell me about your other boyfriend, what he’s like?” Leave it to Sion to ramp up a bit Riku isn’t prepared for. He didn’t think the joke out that far. Riku sweats when Sion glances back at him, an expectant grin on his face. 


“Um… he’s tall… he’s strong… he, uh, has a kid…” Riku’s fingers twist into his jeans. He should’ve seen this coming, but it’s his fault for letting himself forget that his boyfriend will sooner tease him to death than let a bit die. 


Sion sends him a smile. “Wow, so you do have a type.” And even worse: “What’s his job?”


He’s terrible. Riku goes red, but that’s mostly because it’s humiliating how easily Sion can tease him. “Um. He’s a handyman at a ryokan…” It doesn’t help that Sion’s grin only grows and grows and grows. “And he likes helping out around town…” Yes, Riku is aware of the grave he’s digging himself. 


Sion laughs. “Oh, really? That’s nice. It sounds like we’d get along.”


Riku huffs a little and stares out his window. Sion squeezes his hand and cackles again. He is an awful, mean, terrible, horrible man. And even worse, Riku likes him so much that it literally makes his stomach clench. How is that fair?


“You-” Riku puffs his cheeks out. “You’re annoying.”


Sion hums. His thumb runs over Riku’s knuckles. “I know, baby. I’m the worst.”


But it’s hard to act too perturbed when they get a full afternoon to go out together, so unfortunately enough, Riku will let the teasing slide just this once. Sometimes they go all the way to the city, sometimes they stay local. On this date in particular they head into the forest for a picnic. Riku normally wouldn’t follow a man alone into the woods but he imagines Sion is probably a safe bet - he feels bad killing mosquitoes. And also Riku has witnessed Sion kind-of-almost raise his voice at Megumi one single time, and then he spent the next week feeling so guilty about it that he could barely eat, meanwhile Megumi hadn’t even thought much of it because again, Sion only kind-of-almost yelled and it was only because she was doing something she knew she wasn’t supposed to be doing. 


So, you know. Sion doesn’t really give axe-murderer or anything. And even if he did, Riku would still follow him anyway. But no one else needs to know how poor his survival instincts are, so Riku’s keeping that information to himself. 


“Did you cook?” Riku sends a curious look at the bag Sion is carrying over his shoulder as they stroll to a secluded spot, their fingers laced together.


“No, sorry. I didn’t have time. But I picked up something flavorless, so you’ll like it.” Sion squeezes his hand. Then he grins when Riku sends him a Look in response - Sion is so good at acting innocent even when he’s the mean one: “What’s that look for?”


Goodness, he’s really so terrible. Riku’s bottom lip juts out. “You tease me so much…”


“You’re the one with two handyman-single-dad boyfriends,” Sion points out. Which, okay, maybe that’s fair. But Riku’s pout still deepens and he starts dragging his feet, which only makes Sion’s grin widen even more. He laughs. “Oi, Riku, c’mon. You walked into that one.”


He did. But still. “I don’t have two handyman boyfriends,” Riku whines. “It’s just you…”


Sion chuckles at his indignation. “Trust me, I know. You’d be awful at two-timing me.” He just keeps pulling Riku along with him, grinning as his pout only persists. “C’mon, baby, chin up. We’re almost there.”


But it’s not like Riku can be all that petulant when Sion, as usual, planned them a wonderful date. They end up in a very scenic spot, a little nook near a waterfall and a stream. You can’t see them from the trail, which is good, and no one seems to be fishing in the area either. This is probably the most privacy they’ve ever been allowed to have while alone and okay, sure, maybe that’s not really anything to be proud of. But they’re dating under very unique circumstances, so…


“Thank you for all of this,” Riku says as Sion sets out a blanket. He plops down and pulls his shoes off. And then, when Sion is done setting everything up, Riku buries right into his side. “Let’s cuddle first.”


“Of course. Long week?” Sion asks, stroking through his hair. He drops a kiss to the crown of Riku’s head. Riku only curls more into him.


“So long,” Riku tells him. He wiggles half into Sion’s lap. And when Sion lets him, he wriggles all the way in, looping his arms around Sion’s neck so they can kiss. He smiles down at him. “Hi.”


“Hi, baby,” Sion’s hands settle over his waist. He lets Riku come in close, close enough for them to smush together. “You poor thing. Are the kids running you ragged?”


“Mhmm. Especially your kid.” That makes Sion huff but Riku leans his forehead down against his boyfriend’s shoulder and closes his eyes. He hugs him tight, tight, tight. “I’d rather be with you instead…”


Sion’s hand runs up his back before settling over his nape. His voice is as adoring as ever. “Me too, Riku.”


It’s so nice to just get to hold each other - that’s Riku’s favorite part of their dates, actually, when they just get to cuddle and talk or even just do nothing at all. It’s more fun to relax rather than try to fit big, exciting things into the little free time they have together. The two of them are homebodies at heart and the fact that Riku gets to claim his boyfriend’s lap for himself while Sion feeds him food is maybe a top ten experience in his life. As such, Sion presses a cherry tomato to his lips and Riku takes a bite out of it, only nibbling once at his fingers just to tease. Sion grins. 


“You’re really so much like a cat,” he says. It’s bad how adoring his expression is, actually, because Sion looks at Riku like he’s his favorite thing ever and at this rate Riku is going to get a complex about it.


“I’m a human man,” Riku says, though he nuzzles into Sion’s cheek and that can’t be helping his image in any way. It’s just so calming to be curled up against his boyfriend like this, okay? It’s not often he gets Sion’s full attention and Maeda Riku has never claimed to not be greedy about having Sion’s full attention. As it is, he’s always sharing Sion with Megumi. And sure, that’s fine; Riku loves the kid to death and at this point he would probably kill most people in the world to keep her safe. Of course he would.


But in the same vein Sion is her Appa, Sion is also Riku’s. So.


“But you’re so cute,” Sion says, and his voice has dropped to that low, doting tone again. Usually they spend more time talking about actual things when they’re together but there is always a point during their dates when Sion just starts calling him cute nonstop, and this seems to be one of them. Sion kisses Riku’s mouth, Riku’s cheek, Riku’s jaw. “And you’re so handsome, too.” He noses under Riku’s chin and kisses him there, too.


Riku is feeling a lot of mixed emotions because this is enough to get a distant pang of arousal ringing in his stomach but also he really, really, really wants to hear more praises. So he tries not to squirm as Sion noses down his neck and kisses him, again, at his pulse. “R-really?” Riku knows he sounds a little too eager for more, but sue him, he always wants more.


It doesn’t help that Sion’s hand is flat against his lower back, firm and unyielding. There’s nowhere for Riku to go. “You are,” his boyfriend smiles. “My Riku. You’re perfect.”


God, it’s not fair how possessive his tone is because Riku’s used to it by now, how much Sion likes having him, but it’s still a lot to hear the full-force of. Riku presses up against his boyfriend as Sion kisses across his collarbone, each peck light as air. Then Sion noses at his neckline. And his head dips lower, low enough to- 


“Sion-san,” Riku breathes. “You’re-” He doesn’t want to say you make me so horny sometimes and I hate you. But it’s still true.


But Sion must know; it’s not like it's a rare occasion that Riku accidentally gets a little too riled up. “Sorry,” Sion cranes his head back up to kiss Riku on the mouth. “I didn’t mean to tease you, kitty.”


And that is- ugh, it’s not fair. Riku noses back into him and curls down into Sion’s neck. Sometimes the fact that they don’t, like, really touch each other feels like genuine torture. And other days it’s nice to just indulge in an intimacy that is, for the most part, innocent. Or, well, kind of. Riku wishes he were more pure of mind for Sion’s sake but he is absolutely not. 


“It’s okay,” Riku closes his eyes and squeezes Sion into a tight hug. “Let’s just sit here like this…”


Sion hums back. And he squeezes back just as tight, too. “That sounds good to me.”


They end up sitting there for a long time, only later moving to actually eat their meal and explore the surrounding woods a bit. Kyoto is beautiful in the fall - Riku gets some nice pictures of Sion in the leaves and is surprised at how good his boyfriend is at framing photos when it’s his turn with the camera. “I should post these,” Riku hangs off of Sion’s shoulder. “Wow, Tsuchiko must’ve trained you well.”


It’s a joke, but that’s because Sion told him before that he mastered the art of taking Instagram photos back when was dating in college. “I was a very good husband, you know,” Sion pulls him in by the waist. Riku smiles and leans into him in return.


“My husband now,” he sing-songs. That gets him a laugh. And then, as always, their date ends on a pretty damn good note. 


Riku always feels something a little bittersweet about having to part after only a few hours alone together; their dates are always so nice and he’s a little anxious once they’re over, old fear rising from those times he’d be walking someone home one day and be blocked on LINE the next. But as always, things with Sion are different. It’s rare they go a day without at least seeing each other and even though Sion is busy by default, he’s good at finding time for Riku when normally he wouldn’t bother finding time for anyone. “If I don’t see your face, I start going crazy,” Sion said to him one time. “And if I don’t get to kiss you, that’s even worse.”


Admittedly that had pleased Riku a lot. “Your priorities are twisted, Appa,” he nosed into Sion’s cheek. “And also that makes no sense.”


But as always, Riku’s teasing hadn’t dissuaded Sion in the slightest; he had only tilted his head so they could kiss instead. “I know,” Sion said. “Now I’m obsessed with you and it’s ruining my life.”


So perhaps it’s better to get some time alone since neither of them really feel any inclination to spend time apart. Though Riku’s schedule is a lot more packed than it usually is because he’s helping out with Megumi, which both makes it harder and easier to spend time with her dad. It’s not a difficult gig to babysit her, but sometimes keeping up with a kid who’s operating at lightning speed like she is can be… it’s just a little challenging. Riku has no idea how Sion does it.


He asks his boyfriend about it on their drive back to town, but Sion just shrugs. “I don’t try to keep up with her.” His turn signal flicks on. “I don’t know what she’s thinking, so I can’t really do much about that…”


“Really?” Riku asks. He has a hard time imagining that. “It seems like you always figure her out, though.”


Sion blinks. Then his expression goes thoughtful, almost, and he says: “Well, maybe. I dunno. I always wish I could know what she’s thinking.” Sion exhales. “But that’s a fruitless endeavor. ‘Cause I’m old and she’s seven.”


Riku laughs. “Well, I think you’re doing pretty well.”


Riku doesn’t spend the night at Sion’s place very much, or at least never on weeknights. He’d happily take Megumi to school to relieve Sion of the burden but it’d look suspicious even in a town as close-knit as theirs, and again, Riku doesn’t want to overstep. He’s already worried that he’s overstepping even when Sion insists he isn’t. Megumi still sees Riku as her teacher first and foremost and that’s fine and dandy and probably preferable, as it just makes him seem like her Appa’s very good friend. But Megumi also has no issue cuddling with Riku or squeezing her way into his lap, and every time he looks to Sion to get the okay, his boyfriend doesn’t seem to have much of a problem with it. You know that Megumi’s so distrusting, Sion says when it’s just the two of them, it’s hard to dissuade her when she loves you so much. But if dating long term is the goal here, then it’s not the worst in the world to get close to Sion’s kid…


But on the other hand, as anyone could’ve predicted, Megumi’s gotten a little too clingy at school. There are times she’s tired out from the other kids or just grumpy in general, especially if she’s leaning into meltdown territory. Usually that’s mitigated by noise cancelling headphones and time alone, but the first thing she always does is fuse herself to Riku’s side. And yes, that makes Riku’s heart hurt because he adores Megumi even beyond her being his boyfriend’s daughter; he, too, wants to pull her into her lap and cuddle until she’s calm. 


But unfortunately for Riku, he can’t do that. The only way Megumi can be dissuaded is when he, feeling especially helpless, compromises with her in the same way Sion always has to: “Later, honey, okay? We can cuddle after school.”


The first time he got her to back off, Riku was proud of himself for his quick thinking. But then the second class was over, Megumi crawled into his lap and refused to leave until Sion arrived to pick her up. And, well, you know. You win some and you lose some.


“So you get how it is now,” Sion said the third time he walked into the classroom for pick-up and Megumi was curled up in Riku’s lap like she belonged there. “Incorrigible, isn’t she?”


Riku didn’t want to admit defeat, not really. He prides himself on being a pretty good child-wrangler and his relationship with Megumi is perhaps the greatest evidence he has of that. But the look on Sion’s face was that of a man who has been the sole receiver of her clinginess for seven years and Riku had understood, then, why the separation anxiety is something he worries about so much.


So Riku had huffed and ran a hand over Megumi’s hair. “Well. It’s fine as long as it’s not during class…” He sent Daeyoung a glare when his best friend made an amused sound.


“Sure thing, Sensei,” Sion had grinned anyway. But then it even took some coaxing to get Megumi off of him. “Baby, come on, let’s go home.”


Megumi pressed her face into Riku’s shoulder. “We have to bring Sensei home with us.” 


And so Riku, it seems, has the honor of being Oh Megumi’s second favorite person ever. And yes, it is actually a bit of a burdensome position. But Riku wouldn’t trade it for the world and he just- it’s hard not to feel very, very pleased about all of it. Even if he is a little overwhelmed by all of her affection and also the fact that Megumi is constantly begging her dad to have her Sensei tag along with them. 


So, most days, Sion just sighs in response. “Then I guess Sensei’s coming home with us.”


But of course this only means that things with Megumi are good, and usually Riku feels very privileged to be someone she trusts as much as she does, but at the same time it makes him feel a lot more scared of his position in their family and just- just all of it, really. It’s hard for Riku to not be intimidated by the idea of permanence. And that’s not because of the responsibility, exactly, but the weight he holds in Megumi’s life is so much bigger than he ever thought it’d be. And that is… he doesn’t know how he feels about it. Riku is dating her dad and while he loves dating her dad, a part of him is still inevitably expecting for things to fizzle out.


Because surely they will. Right? They always, always do. Riku should know better than to think that, but still, the needling voices in his head are relentless in that way. 


It’s hard to keep his head on straight because Riku is an optimist at heart and he really wants to believe that Sion will love him in the way he says he will, because very deep down, Riku knows that Sion never makes promises he can’t keep. Deep down he knows that Sion is someone he feels he was fated to meet and fall for and grow a life with. That’s the one thing he doesn’t doubt at all. It’s actually very convenient that his boyfriend is so fucking stubborn because in many ways Maeda Riku is an unstoppable force and Oh Sion is unmoveable object and maybe the thing Riku has needed all this time was for someone to stop him in his path and just, like, hold him. And that’s exactly what Sion does. He is exactly what Riku needs and it’s- of course it’s wonderful to have him. And of course it’s wonderful to be Sion’s in return. Riku would never deny himself that much because it’s just true.


But still. But still, but still, but still, Riku’s track record with relationships is abysmal and he’s still scared on principle. He doesn’t want to fail Sion or Megumi or himself. Riku wants to deserve the trust they have in him. And that is… it’s just a lot to live up to. But at the same time, Maeda Riku isn’t a coward or the type of person to shirk his responsibilities nor the type to try and run from them, so it’s- he coping, you know? He’s trying to be optimistic. 


Riku has no choice but to try his best! And everything will be fine because of course it’ll be fine! Right? Right!


One Saturday Riku and Megumi are cuddling on the couch; she’s nestled directly into his side. Riku plays absentmindedly with her hair as Shin-chan drones on. He’s honestly getting a little sleepy but that’s because this show isn’t especially stimulating. Maybe Riku needs a coffee…


He’s drifting off a little when Misae comes on screen. Riku personally thinks her voice is grating but Megumi thinks Shin-chan’s mom is a very funny character. And, after several moments, Megumi nudges him: “Sensei, you’re kind of like Shin-chan’s mom.”


Riku’s eyes were half-closed. He squints one open. “Hm?”


“You’re more like a mom than a dad,” Megumi tells him, uncaring of whatever gender preferences Riku may have. “When they show moms on TV, you’re more like a mom. Right? Appa is a dad, but you’re a mom…”


If this were anyone else Riku would be a little offended at the gender roles of it all. Er, if she were an adult saying it, at least, because Sion’s got a ton of stereotypically motherly qualities to him that Megumi’s never noticed because he’s all she has. But again, that’s the thing - Sion’s all she has. Riku’s hand stills in Megumi’s hair and he opens his eyes properly, sitting up a bit. Some kind of warning bell rings in the back of his head because normally Megumi talks about moms the same way other seven year-olds talk about, like, a food they hate. And so Riku asks: “You- you think so?”


“Yup,” Megumi leans into him. “I don’t have a mom. But if I did, I’d want her to be like you…”


Riku is- he’s surprised. And his heart aches, too, but mostly this is just a pretty shocking thing to hear from Megumi. She tends to avoid the topics of moms and family dynamics all together. Even at school she’s like that, indifferent to anything besides her Appa. And Riku, he… he doesn’t know what to say. She’s certainly never said anything like this to Sion, because Sion worries incessantly that Megumi is just going to grow up despising the concept of mothers as a whole even though she barely has any memories of her own mom.


So this is just… this is very interesting and also an incredibly sensitive subject to navigate. Riku is barely even awake but he needs to engage in this conversation because it could be another seven years before Megumi says something so honest again; he can just feel it in his bones, that she needs someone to talk to. 


Riku’s voice is extremely calm and careful as he strokes back through Megumi’s hair and he asks: “Do you… do you want a mom, Megumi?”


Megumi just hums. “Nope.” 


That answer isn’t surprising because Megumi is a very consistent kid and of course her opinion on mothers wouldn’t change when she’s spent half of her life not having one. But it’s still very curious that she’s bringing this up at all - when the three of them watch Shin-chan together, Megumi has never mentioned Minsae even once.


But here, with just the two of them, she is… huh.


A part of Riku really wants to push, because hell, in all the time he’s known Megumi this is the most honest she’s ever been with him. She’s just like her dad in that way - she jokes instead of being sincere and considering the isolating upbringing Sion had, Riku can see how Megumi has adopted the same attitude about talking about her feelings. But Riku really doesn’t want to scare her off. But at the same time he knows that she never talks about these things with Sion. Should he…? He should ask, right…?


Riku squeezes her. “Do you ever miss your mom, Gumi?” His voice is light, gentle. He looks down at her and only Megumi looks back up at him, her expression unchanging. On instinct Riku adds: “Or, sorry, should I not ask?”


He’s willing to backpedal if he needs to, but Megumi doesn’t seem to be bothered by the question. “No, I don’t miss my mom,” she says, as straight-forward as ever. She says these things in the same manner a grown-up would discuss the weather. “I don’t remember my old mom very much. But she would fight with Appa a lot. And it’d make Appa cry. But Appa’s a lot happier now…” Megumi looks away. She has to realize that she’s saying things she’s never talked about before, but even then her answer is unchanging: “I don’t need a mom when I have Appa.”


Okay, well. That news isn’t shocking either - both Megumi’s disdain and her only memories being Sion and Tsuchiko arguing, neither of those things are surprising in the least. But Riku remembers Sion saying that Megumi was three when they separated. So of all the memories her little brain has kept with her for all this time, it was… it was Sion crying. 


Really, the only thing she knows is Sion. Riku can’t imagine a tiny, three year-old Megumi being able to forget her mother’s face but imprint the image of her father’s tears in her mind.


And so that is- god, it’s kind of terrible, isn’t it?


Riku’s heart is aching but even then, he only nods in response. Being calm and nonreactive is always a safe bet when talking to kids who are usually pretty secretive; Riku only pets over Megumi’s hair and suddenly he’s very glad it’s him she’s saying this to and not Sion, because there’s no way Sion would be able to hear these things and still sleep at night. So Riku just hums and only prodding a little more, he asks: “What about you? Are you happier now?”


It’s not really a poignant question; Riku is just curious, really, because Megumi is a pretty cheery child all things considered. But she just blinks back at him. “Me? Happy?” Megumi licks her lips. “Well, um.”


She says it like she’s never considered the thought before. And that is both sweet and heartbreaking. But Riku just nods again, brushing the hair out of her eyes. “It’s okay if you don’t know.”


But of course now that he’s asked the question she’s making an inquisitive face like she’s really thinking hard about it. That’s not surprising. Megumi is an extremely thoughtful kid, much more introspective than anyone would assume she is. She’s lost in her head all the time. Sion thinks she’s daydreaming but Riku’s not so convinced. Megumi likes observing people; she likes figuring out how they tick. He’s noticed that in the time he’s spent with her, because Megumi picks up on mannerisms even if she doesn’t act on them. Like how Sakuya and Ryo are touchy with Riku, climbing all over him without any reservations or boundaries. She’s picked up on the whiny lilt they speak to him in. She started copying them at one point. Sometimes Riku tries watching her, but Megumi is always already looking at him. He’s already gotten used to the feeling of eyes on the back of his neck.


Really, in that way Megumi is just like her dad; her gaze is unrelenting. It makes it hard to not always be aware that she, even while nose-deep in a book, is always watching and listening and waiting. Though it’s hard to tell if that’s more because she’s autistic or if it’s because she, still, is thinking about what Tsuchiko did to her.


If Riku weren’t used to all of this already, he’d find it fascinating. Megumi just doesn’t come off as a deep thinker. She can be abrasive and she never really puts on a mask and there are times that childish naivety is overwhelming because Megumi is the type of kid to constantly ask “why?” Or even more often: “why not?” But she’s a lot more self aware than even Sion realizes. Megumi is completely his kid, modeled right after him, even down to her selflessness. Appa’s a lot happier now. Megumi blinks at him like she’s never put any thought to her own happiness and somehow, this is the missing piece that Sion must have been looking for.


Sion puts Megumi first but Megumi is thinking of her dad, too. How many kids think like that? It kind of makes everything click into place, though admittedly the big picture is still a depressing one. 


Riku watches as Megumi sits and thinks for several moments, and he at least appreciates that she isn’t walling him out like her beloved Appa would try to. “I don’t know,” Megumi leans into Riku’s shoulder. “I think I’m happy. ‘Cause of you and Yushi-nii and Ku-chan. But maybe we’ll move again, so I dunno…”


She trails off. Then she shrugs. It takes Riku a second to realize just what she’s implying. Megumi doesn’t often talk about the things she worries about the way she worded that is-


“You-” He blinks, hard. “You think you’re gonna move again?”


Megumi shrugs again. “We always end up moving.” Then she looks down at her hands in her lap and her face twists up. 


Riku doesn’t even know why he’s surprised. Of course a kid like Megumi’s afraid of impermanence and abandonment. She makes it sound like she doesn’t expect all of them to stick around in her life and she has been strangely good at keeping this fear a secret; even now the way Megumi says it is so nonplussed and accepting. Riku can’t help but stare down at her as those words really, really sink in. 


It’s rare to meet a seven year-old as self-assured and relentless as Oh Megumi is. But that’s the thing; she’s seven. And all she’s known is being passed from house to house and city to city to country to county…


All she’s known is Sion. Really, he’s the only constant she’s ever had. So that’s why-


“Oh,” Riku says, and he wants to kick himself over how small and shocked his voice sounds. But still, it’s hard to act nonchalant about this when Megumi is usually so quiet about the things that really trouble her. Riku squeezes her shoulder. “You… you don’t want to move again?”


“Yeah. I wanna stay here,” Megumi mumbles a little, seeming petulant, or maybe she’s just tired. “I like it here. I like hanging out with everyone. But if Appa thinks we need to move again, then we’ll move…”


Wow. It’s these things that remind Riku that Megumi is only seven. In some ways she acts like a little adult but really, she’s still so naive and small and knows so little. She has no idea that her dad moves them for her sake. But what else is she supposed to think? Sion’s been divorced longer than Megumi lived with both of her parents in the same house. And that is-


God, that’s so heartbreaking. That’s just heartbreaking. Riku wants to cry for her and he gets it now, why Sion is so worried about her. He understands the guilt. Sion has tried his best and Megumi is still so afraid. 


“I don’t think that'll happen, Gumi, I…” Admittedly, Riku doesn’t quite know what to do. He’s suddenly realizing that despite being a teacher, he may be unqualified to be having this conversation, and it’s- no, he definitely is. “Why do you think you’ll move again?”


Megumi’s bottom lip just juts out. “Everyone just always ends up leaving, Sensei. But I wanna stay with you forever.”


God. Riku softens. He holds Megumi a little tighter and she lets him, nosing into his collarbone like she does with Sion. There are times she goes to him like she’d go to Sion and in many ways Riku is terrified by how important he is to her. But that’s not just because of his relationship with her dad, is it? It feels like an inevitability. In many ways Riku has known since Megumi has come into his classroom that he’d do everything he can to coax her out of her shell, and so of course he has. But still, to her core, all she has known is a life of transience and holding onto her Appa out of fear and accepting that nothing besides her father is permanent. That’s what’s stopping Megumi from opening up; she, just like her dad, is afraid.


Riku blinks something wet out of his eyes. Wow. Sion should… he definitely needs to hear this. He needs to know. He’s so afraid all by himself, he has no idea that Megumi worries as much as she does. Riku doesn’t reckon that’s hereditary, but considering they’ve only had each other…


“I think you should tell your dad, Gumi,” Riku says after several long moments. “If he knew you didn’t want to move, you could stay here.”


And, well, that finally makes Megumi squirm a little in indignation. So she’s not being honest because she wants to be, it’s because it’s Riku who’s asking. She pulls a pained face and mumbles again: “I dunno if I should…”


Riku’s hand strokes over her hair. “Why? Your Appa will understand.”


He watches her process that; Megumi says nothing, for a moment. But then her hands twist in her lap and she mumbles again: “I don’t want him to worry.” Then she’s squeezing Riku’s hand. “Can you talk to him with me, Sensei?”


Riku’s mind is reeling a tiny bit because he’s surprised by the depth to which Megumi is considering her father’s feelings. But this is- Megumi trusts him for real. That’s not something Riku takes lightly, and that’s the main thing he should be focusing on. If Sion heard all of this, he’d do everything in his power to make sure they could stay.


So Riku promises her: “Yeah, we’ll talk to your dad together.”


In a way this all feels very sudden - it feels like Riku’s overstepping and like maybe he is someone who has let Megumi trust him too much if she will go to him before her dad about anything, really. But Megumi squeezes one of Riku’s hands in both of her own and she smiles into his shoulder. “Thank you, Sensei…”


She sounds relieved. Of all things, that’s- Riku licks his lips and squeezes her back. “Of course.”


So, well, to say that their chill day has taken a turn is a bit of an understatement. Riku’s not sure if Megumi intends for that talk to happen tonight, but she’s largely quiet for the rest of the afternoon. And then, when Sion gets home, she curls up into Riku’s side instead of running to greet him like she usually does.


“Now I’m scared,” she murmurs.


Riku’s surprised by that, too, but across the room Sion’s face is knit in concern when Megumi doesn’t come running at him. And so Riku appeases: “Sion-san, can you come here? Megumi wants to have a chat.”


“Oh, um. Okay.” Sion’s hands wring together. Like father, like daughter, huh. “Did something bad happen?” Of course he jumps to the worst too, for fuck’s sake. 


Riku smiles. He hauls Megumi up into his lap so she has to look her Appa in the eyes instead of hiding into him. “No, no. Come on. Both of you, don’t be so nervous.”


This is- this is a lot, actually, now that the three of them are sitting down together. It’d be better if Riku didn’t have any kind of hand in this because it’s not his place to interfere with their family unit, not really, but both Sion and Megumi are very anxious people by default. Megumi sits in Riku’s lap and avoids Sion’s eyes. Riku prods her in the side. “Gumi…”


Megumi pulls a face. But then, as usual, she gets right down to business: “Appa. Are we gonna stay here forever?”


Riku can’t tell exactly what Sion thought having a talk would entail, but he can tell his boyfriend is trying to keep from spiraling. And yet, within mere seconds, the worry is flooding from Sion’s face because he mostly just turns, like, confused. Sion blinks. “Are we- what?”


Megumi holds one of Riku’s hands in both of her own. “I don’t want to move again,” she looks down at Riku’s palm and speaks plainly to her dad. “I wanna stay here with Sensei.”


Riku, too, avoids Sion’s eyes. But that’s because this isn’t about him, not really, and he doesn’t want to influence whatever path this conversation goes down. Even though Megumi’s kind of making him a scapegoat here, huh. “Oh. That’s…” Sion is looking at Riku, who shakes his head as to show this isn’t his doing. So Sion asks: “Does your Sensei need to be here for this?”


“Yes,” Megumi says. “He’s my emotional support.” Only god knows where she learns this shit from.


So Riku tries to act like he’s not listening in on their conversation as Sion deflates next to them on the couch. His hand reaches out to hold Megumi’s. That’s good; at least he’s listening. “I don’t want to move again, baby. I don’t. I didn’t realize you… do you miss Mokpo?”


“Yes,” Megumi says, “but Sensei and Ku-chan aren’t in Mokpo.”


She’s as matter of fact as always. Riku pretends to be very interested in the wooden beams of the living room. To be honest being the bystander here is kind of funny, but that’s only because in a lot of ways Sion is even more emotionally constipated than Megumi is. So, like, it’s just a little amusing for Sion to flounder like this…


“Oh,” Sion says, as if he’s just only just realizing all of this. “Oh, I see. I didn’t-” His other hand reaches out to rest on Riku’s thigh. “I don’t want to move, either. I want to stay here, honey. I want you to grow up and keep going to school here and be friends with Ku-chan forever…”


Sion keeps his voice low and light for Megumi. But Riku can hear the quiet way it shakes and very, very slowly, Sion’s fingers lace with his own. 


“Appa, let’s stay,” Megumi tells him. And then, devastatingly enough: “Please? Sensei won’t leave like Mama left.”


Oh, that’s- the both of them get whiplash from her words, like, immediately. Riku has to squeeze his eyes shut because they’re watering up with tears. He’s an easy crier but it’s different when he knows what Megumi has been through with her mom and moving countries and having to worry about her dad because no one else would. Of course both he and Sion already knew Megumi gives Tsuchiko a lot more thought than she admits she does, but still, this is something else entirely. Riku closes his eyes and he can hear Sion take a very shaky breath.


“Baby,” he says. “Sensei is… that’s different.”


“I know,” Megumi’s voice is a little watery. “But I don’t want any more people to leave…”


Wow. Wow, Riku’s going to cry. And Sion is too, given the sharp way he inhales and he reaches forward to haul Megumi off of Riku’s lap and into his own. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry.” Riku watches them out of the corner of his eye. He knows Sion normally refuses to cry in front of Megumi but he holds her tight and the tears are falling: “Baby, I’m sorry. I don’t- I don’t want anyone else to leave, either…”


Riku stiffens. Should he leave? But Sion’s fingers dig into his thigh and he stays. For now, he can just… he can be here. Riku just hopes his presence is helping, at least, and not making things worse. 


“Appa, you smile so much around Sensei,” Megumi says. “Around Mama, you’d never-”


“Gumi, I- I don’t think-” Sion runs a hand through her hair. Megumi doesn’t even realize what she’s saying, does she. She has no idea. Sion’s hand clutches at Riku’s and Riku clutches him right back. 


“I want to stay here,” Megumi tells him. “Appa, I want you to be happy.”


It’s a lot, all of it. Riku sits there and tries not to intrude. Normally he’d already have left the room but Sion needs him here, he realizes after a while, when Sion’s grip on him only tightens and tightens. He needs an anchor, too. But they’re able to talk and they’re able to cry and Riku is glad for them. He’s so, so glad. Megumi has never gotten to see her dad cry besides when he’s in pain, and that’s a big reason why she doesn’t miss her mom at all. That’s not surprising. But she wants Sion to be happy and that’s not surprising either. 


It’s just… it’s so sweet.


“Baby, I’m sorry,” Sion cries as he cradles his daughter. “I’m sorry for making your life so hard.”


“You didn’t,” Megumi says. “You make me happy, Appa.”


“I- I don’t know how to…” Sion sniffles into her hair. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you. I’m so sorry, Gumi. I’m sorry…”


Megumi clutches him right back, her arms tightening around Sion’s neck as she drags him into a hug. Like this you can tell how much she has grown, because Megumi is not so small anymore and in her arms she can hold her dad in one piece. 


“It’s okay, Appa. You’re my favorite,” Megumi kisses him on the cheek. “Don’t be sorry. I love you.”


Eventually Riku slips away because- well. That’s their business, you know, and Sion sends him a grateful look when he tiptoes down the hallway. That was a lot for him to hear even as a third party, because fucking hell, he will never be able to understand how much those two have suffered together. He slips into Sion’s bed. His heart is pounding for some reason. It’s not panic but it’s something very shocked and a little scared and Riku has to close his eyes, breathing out in an uneven exhale.


This is a lot to process. Riku just didn’t… he didn’t realize Megumi considered him so closely. Or at least he didn’t realize she saw him as an important figure in her life, especially in regards to her dad’s happiness. Riku doesn’t know how to feel about it. Isn’t he intruding on too much of their lives? Wasn’t Riku supposed to be Sion’s boyfriend instead of someone Megumi considers as part of her family? Riku was afraid before, but now that he knows how much Megumi cherishes him, the doubt and the hope fight for space in his mind. He wants to help both of them. He doesn’t need to be Megumi’s mom - he doesn’t need to be her anything - but he…


You always smile around Sensei, Appa. God, that hurts.


Riku has been feeling more afraid the longer they settle into this abstract family-thing but it’s hard to doubt how much he wants to be theirs, in whatever way that means. It’s impossible to doubt how much he, too, wants to be part of the permanence. Sion told him about the divorce but not the fine details and Riku never expected him to. Of course not. Riku never really made any of that his business because it’s not, not really, especially when his ex is Megumi’s mom. Riku can hardly think badly of Tsuchiko when she was the one who created Megumi and she, too, at one point knew how it felt to love that kid to death. Riku doesn’t want to overstep. He really doesn’t want to. But for as hard as he tends to fall, he feels it in his heart. It pounds with something he’s felt many times before, but he’s never been so certain of something in his life. 


It’s- it’s love, he thinks. It’s some kind of love. It’s not the same kind of love Riku felt in the shadows of Shinjuku but it’s something deeper, more visceral, more settled. He’s certain of it. Riku loves both of them and he’s almost frightened by how strong the feeling is because never before felt it like this, like he’s- like he finally belongs to something, or- or-


If I had a mom, I’d want her to be like you. It rings out in Riku’s mind over and over again. It’d be stupid if he acted like he was qualified to be a parent or if after three months of dating he knew for certain that Sion is The One although he really, really feels like he is. But this isn’t the same love he’s grown to be fearful of. It’s different, leaning to the left, something that feels warm and familiar and like he’s home. It’s not the carnal desire he felt in college; it’s not even a puppy-crush turned into something-very-real-and-overwhelming. In a way this doesn’t feel overwhelming at all. 

It feels like he’s finally, finally, finally found the thing he has been searching for. And that is- it’s a beautiful and terrifying thought. Riku can’t even believe himself - is this really what he’s thinking after a conversation like that? - but the hope surges in him so deeply that he thinks he might choke on it. 


I want to be good for the both of them. I want to be someone they will never regret letting into their family. I want to be allowed to love them, just this once, I want them to know everything I’d do for them…


It’s- wow. Riku doesn’t even know what Sion and Megumi are talking about with him out of the room, and maybe this is exactly what Sion’s been afraid of this whole time. But Riku wants to be worth the trust they both have in him, is the thing, and the idea of being theirs after so many years of being nothing almost soothes that perpetual ache in his heart. Riku falls hard and very fast and he always has. But this is- it feels right. He breathes 4-7-8 into Sion’s sheets and tries to calm his racing heart. He lays there and breathes for a very long time, his eyes shut and his hand pressed to his sternum. I should be afraid, he thinks. I shouldn’t be this hopeful when we’ve only been dating three months. Megumi doesn’t need a mom and I couldn’t be her mom even if I tried. And Sion doesn’t- he-


Riku’s eyes squeeze shut. He might realize that I’m too much for him like everyone else did. 


In a way this is a little stupid because Riku isn’t an especially doubtful person, it’s just that he’s taught himself to have low expectations and get over heartbreak quickly. But still, but still, but still. There is a part of him that’s so alight with hope and love and adoration that he couldn’t possibly tamp it down. It pounds with an optimism he has not known since he was eighteen and fresh to Tokyo and it feels like love. It feels like the most genuine, most pure love he has ever known. 


And, really, really, really. For now, that is enough. It just is.


What feels like hours later, footsteps come down the hallway. Megumi’s bedroom door rattles open, then shuts. Riku waits for Sion to come find him. But it takes ages before this door opens, too, low voices murmuring outside until he slides it open.


Standing in the doorway is Sion. His shoulders are slumped, his face is a mess of tears, his eyes are red. But he is still Riku’s Sion, is the thing, he is still his boyfriend and a wonderful man and the world’s best father. “Riku,” Sion says, his voice low. “Can you stay the night, please?”


Riku nods. He opens his arms out. “Come here.”


All of his own angst seeps out of him with Sion needing his comfort; and Sion, for once, seeks the comfort without any hesitation at all. He slowly climbs into bed and he falls into Riku’s chest. He curls into him. Sion is tiny like this, burying his face in Riku’s neck and sniffling. “You’re an angel,” his voice is a little broken. “To both me and my kid…”


Riku smiles. He pets over Sion’s hair. “I’m not.”


Sion only sniffles again. “Be quiet. You know you are.”


It’s silent for a while. Riku figures that Sion just needs to be held because sometimes he has these moments, and his mind must be a mess after a talk like that. Sion and Megumi are very open with each other but it’s rare for Megumi to really open up about her feelings. If Riku was reeling so hard from a revelation like that, how could Sion possibly feel?


Probably not good, Riku knows. He pets over his boyfriend’s hair, breathes, and holds him. It feels like forever before Sion speaks again. 


His voice is low and hollow and tired. “Riku,” Sion says. “Don’t get mad at me. But I’m gonna give you an out. You’re allowed to leave now if you want to.”


Riku blinks. “What?” For a second he’s almost speechless because there’s no way Sion is still-


“Just- just listen. Please? I didn’t realize how much Megumi was- she really loves you. Or at least she knows how much I admire you.” Sion breathes a mirthless laugh; he sounds so tired and also a little crazed. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Because now it’s kinda- you’re so important to her. So I’d prefer to be disappointed now rather than later.” And then Sion sighs a defeated thing, his voice lowering to a whisper as he buries his face back into Riku’s chest: “I don’t want her to get too hopeful about you if we… you know.”


A part of Riku wants to be mad that Sion dares to suggest a thing when he’s been so committed to him, but it’s not just Sion he’s committed to, is it? Megumi needs him, too. Riku wasn’t prepared for that to happen so quickly. But despite all the fear, Riku knows what he wants and he understands just what he means to them and he still says: “Well, of course I’m staying.” He knows that much, thanks. The only way he’s leaving this relationship is either because Sion tells him to or because he ends up in a body bag.


But even then, Sion isn’t acting like he was three months ago - he doesn’t seem like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop anymore. But he pulls back to look Riku in the eyes, and while he doesn’t look nearly as scared as he was that night in the park, the desperation on his face is obvious. “I know,” Sion says. “But you’re still young, you don’t need to take on the responsibility if it’s too much…” Sion sighs and drops his head back down onto Riku’s shoulder like he’s feeling very defeated about all of this. “I need you to be sure. Or at least you should know what you’re signing up for...”


And, well, maybe that’s fair. Sion is in an impossible position as a single parent. But still, Riku knows exactly what he wants and even with his very own hang ups, he isn’t going to try and run away from something that he feels like he’s spent his whole life looking for. “I-” Riku squeezes Sion’s hand. “I’m sure. I am.”


He knows he’s maybe being impulsive. Or, well, that’s kind of a given. Riku is twenty-nine and unmarried and yet he’s ready to drop most things to, what? Co-parent? That’s not what this is but that’s also not-not what this is. Riku may not be a parent but he’d be severing all sense of professional boundaries, wouldn’t he? He’d be taking on a bigger kind of role than even Yushi has, and it’d be even more unyielding. Unflinching, lifelong devotion, the kind that never wavers because it’d be unthinkable if it did. But that doesn’t sound so bad to him.


Sion sighs. He smiles into his neck. “Riku, I am a pain to love…”


Riku frowns. “That’s not true.”


But Sion ignores him. His face tilts up enough to look him in the eyes. “And Megumi, too, is a pain.”


Riku’s frown deepens. “She isn’t.”


In a way this is deeply unserious of them. Sion huffs a laugh. He seems to accept it, at least, that Riku isn’t running at the first sign of commitment. And it’s good that he accepts it because Riku will kill him if Sion tries arguing him out of their relationship for, like, the third time. “I didn’t mean to move this fast,” Sion murmurs as he presses his face to Riku’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to dump my life on you…”


Riku squeezes him. “Well, you’re a single parent. I had an idea.”


They both breathe. At least Sion isn’t fighting him. “Then if we break up, at least be good to her.”


And that is- ugh, Sion’s so fucking annoying about these things. Riku scowls and pinches him in the ear. “Who said anything about breaking up!”


He’s only being honest. Sometimes Sion goes about things like he thinks he’s doomed and while Riku feels similarly about himself, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating. But Sion laughs and this time he’s a little amused. “Okay, baby, I’m sorry. But seriously, you could do better.” Sion smiles up at him and he doesn’t look particularly happy. “Riku, are you really sure you want to date me and hang around my kid in the- in the long term?”


The question is silly. The past few months have kind of proven that yes, Riku very much does, and he’d do a lot of things for not just Sion but Megumi, too. It feels like a given and it is a given, actually, because the longer they date the more Riku just loves him. 


But just as Megumi does, Sion needs to be reassured too. Isn’t he so cute?


So:


“I’m sure,” Riku cranes down to kiss him. “I’m sure of you, Sion-san. And I’m sure of Megumi.” He presses their foreheads together. “Gumi said I’m like a mom, actually…”


Sion sounds… he just sounds very tired. And Riku probably isn’t helping things on that front, but whatever. “Did she?”


“And she said she doesn’t need a mom,” Riku trudges on regardless. “But, if she did…” He lets his words hang in the air. He can offer. He won’t push; but he’ll leave his cards on the table. “Sion-san, I’m serious.”


For a long second Sion just stares at him. “I…” He exhales. “This would be my second time doing things too quickly.”


Riku tries not to be offended though he admittedly fails on that front. His voice comes out a little haughty. “Well, we’re not getting married or having a kid, are we.” He sends Sion a Look. “Nothing has to change from how it is right now. But I’m telling you, I’m serious about both of you.”


And, well, at least that helps Sion relax. It seems like a good compromise, doesn’t it? They’re not in any kind of rush to be more than this. Riku doesn’t need to be a parent and Megumi really doesn’t need anyone more than her Appa. But confirming the commitment is nice, Riku thinks. Sion slowly wraps his arms around his shoulders and pulls him in.


“Yeah, you’re right,” Sion breathes. Then he sighs again. “So you- you don’t get any take backs. I’m really-” Sion’s arms tighten around him. “Riku, I’m really not gonna let you go. You know that, right?”


Riku does. He nuzzles into his boyfriend. “I prefer it that way.”


Sion’s breathing is still a little uneven, but he presses into him just as firmly. “I- I like you so much. And if we do this, it’ll kill me if you try to escape.” It’s not really funny at all, but the way he phrases it is so- god, they must both be insane. Sion sounds insane.


“I won’t try even once,” Riku tells him. And, only joking a little bit: “I think we could have a really beautiful kind of stockholm syndrome together.”


And, well, at least that makes Sion pull a face. “Don’t say that.” But then, after a second of thinking, he cracks into a smile. “Wow. You really are a little crazy, huh.”


He sounds like he’s in awe and that is equally deranged of him. Riku’s obsessive romantic tendencies have never impressed anyone before and the fact that Sion’s enthralled by it is- well. It makes it feel like they were indeed fated to end up like this. Because the crazier Riku gets, the more Sion likes him in return…


Wow. He should keep that in mind. So Oh Sion likes them a little insane. That’s great.


Riku leans down to kiss him. “I am. And you like me.” It’s not a question and he hopes that one day that Sion’s affection will only grow deep enough to match his own, and very deep down, he has a feeling it already has. 


With a sigh, Sion’s head cranes up to meet his mouth. “I do like you so much,” he breathes. “And you want to… with me? And Gumi?”


“I’ll be with you forever, I hope,” Riku kisses him. He wants Sion to realize just how much he means it. “Even if you try to get rid of me, I’m not going anywhere.” He’s not really joking, either. 


But maybe he should’ve known that Sion is just as crazy as he is. He only smiles into the kiss. “Okay,” he says. “Then let’s do that.”


After the whirlwind that was this evening, it’s nice to sit here with their limbs all tangled up and just breathe each other in. Something about their proximity feels more real this time around, doesn’t it? They’ve slept in the same bed many times, but now Sion curls up to him like he’s not afraid Riku will leave in the middle of the night. Sion smooths his bangs out of his eyes and smiles. He looks exhausted, but similarly, he’s as fond as ever.


“Let’s go to bed. ‘M taking my meds so I conk out,” Sion tells him. “Okay? So you have to have sweet dreams for the both of us.”


Yes, there is something about Sion that is very ridiculous in the way he’s always like this; even when Sion doubts himself, he keeps trudging on and only focuses on the next right thing. He is unflinching and Riku wants to be like that for him, too. So he nuzzles into Sion’s hand. “I will. I’ll dream allll about you.”


And, well, even the teasing is worth it. Sion’s face goes pink but he kisses him again, then again, then just one more time. It’s nice. How long has it been since things have been nice for his boyfriend? Sion’s had to suffer by himself for so many years and Riku wants to make him smile like that everyday. And he’s not gonna say it, not yet, the affection he feels. He can wait. He is very patient. He just kisses Sion back and smiles. 


“Goodnight, Sion-san,” Riku says. In the far corners of his mind there is still a voice telling him that their commitment is unmatched and that Sion will take all of his heart and still leave and that their so-called promises really mean nothing. But Sion relaxes into him and his weight is solid and firm and he’s… they’re real. That’s the thing that Riku wants to believe in. Even if he has nothing else, he has this.


“G’nite, Riku,” Sion mumbles into his cheek. “You keep saving me over and over again...”


Riku lets himself smile. Just this once, you know. Just this once he’s allowed to hope. His fingers hook into Sion’s and he tells him, every inch of his voice way too honest: “I would do anything for you.”


It’s terrifying, for a second, to say those words aloud. Riku’s stomach clenches. But Sion presses closer into his cheek and his mouth curls into a smile. “Would you really?”


Riku’s heart beats in his throat. But he still says: “I would.” And he falls asleep like that, filled with hope and an affection that’s too early to name and Sion smiling into his skin. This is good enough. Really, it’s- it’s good. 



 ˖.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ 



Things don’t really change much as September turns to October; the only real difference in anything is that Sion’s resolve in their relationship has strengthened. And that, quite honestly, is really a beautiful thing to be a part of. Riku is very much enjoying the fruits of his theoretical labor because it makes his own doubt more manageable even in the times it tries eating away at him. Their faith in each other is leveling out, their quality time is increasing, and Megumi is… well.


She’s settling in leaps and bounds. Riku’s not proud that he doubted her, but even he is surprised. 


Megumi and Maku both join the soccer team Sakuya coaches, a general elementary co-ed team that competes against other schools in the area. At first Megumi’s cautious of the other kids and she also complains incessantly about going to practice. Sion and Riku both go with her every time because she says she needs her Sensei there, again, for “emotional support.” Megumi and Maku are also the youngest on the team which doesn’t really help how whiny she gets over just having to wear shin guards. She’s easily dwarfed by most of her teammates, and on top of that, Megumi isn’t a social butterfly by any metric. There are a few times she gets into little disagreements with the older kids and it’s up to Sakuya to break up any animosity.


But then Megumi, to everyone’s surprise, ends up being really good at soccer. It’s almost comical, actually, how skilled she is in comparison to her feelings about it. Neither Sion nor Riku can get over it.


“I don’t think she got that from me,” Sion admits as they both watch her make her way down the field, her footwork a little too good for someone who is normally a very clumsy seven year-old. He laughs. “She didn’t get that from her mom, either. Wow.”


Riku snorts. The past month or so of coming to these practices has been enlightening, to say the least, as Megumi will whine and groan about having to exercise until the second she’s on the field. Sion’s been aghast about it but Riku wants to use this to his advantage. Megumi gets the most scolding from the PE teacher since she refuses to do a lot of the exercises in class - Riku has some ideas now. Maybe letting her run around with a soccer ball could be a more useful accommodation, huh?


Out on the field, Megumi takes a position at goal and successfully scores. The sidelines erupt into polite claps and out on the field the other team looks defeated. “She’s three years younger than us!” One of the boys complains.


Riku nudges Sion in the side with a smile. “She’s doing great here.” He’s mostly praising Megumi but his boyfriend deserves some of the credit, too, so Riku only teases a little bit: “You really are a parenting genius, huh?”


He’s mostly being genuine - the fact that Sion had the mind to get her motivated using a team sport is pretty genius in itself - but Sion only laughs. He snaps a picture of Megumi jogging back to starting position on the field, the poor girl audibly groaning as her arms swing tiredly at her side. “No, I didn’t do anything. It’s because Gumi’s amazing,” Sion grins. Then he turns to Riku. “God. She really likes keeping us on our toes, huh?”


Sion says “us” like they’re doing all of this together. And they aren’t, not really, or at least not yet. But Riku grins back and leans into his boyfriend’s shoulder because well, it’s still true. 


“She does,” Riku says. “And, hey, that's a prospect. Should we get her to go pro?”


As expected, Sion’s eyes gleam. “Sensei, that’s not a bad idea at all.”


Despite her complaints, Megumi does pretty well with the soccer schedule. And even as October comes to an end and so does the season, she’s got much more pep in her step than she did over the summer. Halloween isn’t really a huge holiday in Japan and it isn’t in Korea, either - or at least not besides the college kids, Sion says - but apparently they have a tradition of wearing costumes every year. Sion claims it’s mostly to appease his mom with cute photos but he gets into it, too.


“I got these custom-ordered,” Sion greets Riku at his door on Halloween. “So tell me I look good.”


Riku blinks. He’s not quite sure what he’s looking at - Sion has on some kind of tail, dressed in a green-blue costume. He takes his best guess: “Are you a lizard?”


The look Sion sends him in response is absolutely admonished. “No! I’m the Loch Ness monster!”


Of course he’s playing up the dramatics. Riku steps inside, amused by Sion’s tail and batting at it. “You don’t really look like Nessie,” he can’t help but point out. “You’re more like a gecko. Or a chameleon.”


Sion, for once, isn’t deterred by the teasing. He gives Riku a haughty look as if this news greatly offends him. “Well, Megumi wanted me to be a cryptid with her. She’s obsessed again ‘cause she’s been doing Youtube video deep dives.” And then, as if that was a very normal thing to say about his seven year-old daughter, Sion turns and calls down the hallway: “Gumi, your Sensei is here!”


You can hear a bedroom door slide open. And then Megumi calls back: “Already?”


Sion sighs. “Yes. Are you ready?”


Her voice answers them, a little frantic. “Um. Almost!”


Sion turns back to Riku with a wry look on his face. “I used to think she’d hate getting dressed up but she loves it, actually. For three years in a row she wanted to be Shin-chan and I kept having to get bigger costumes, so I’m just glad that-”


He’s interrupted by the scampering of socks on hard wood. And then a Megumi-sized figure comes sliding into the living room, dressed in some kind of… monkey costume? “Ta-da!” She gives them a twirl.


“Oh, honey, are you a gorilla?” Riku asks innocently. But maybe he should’ve known better. Sion elbows him in the side.


“No, I’m Bigfoot,” Megumi says in her typical know-it-all voice, as if Riku is silly for thinking anything otherwise. “I’m the Bigfoot from the 1967 footage where they think she’s a woman.” And that is- alright, yeah. Why did he expect any other kind of answer from Megumi?


“Oh,” Riku’s smile wavers but he still persists because of course he’s used to this by now. “Well, you look great!”


As she’s been since their talk, Megumi’s much more chattery around Riku now. Or at least Sion or Maku used to have to be around for her to be comfortable with infodumping to him. But Sion goes off in search of his camera and Megumi plops down next to Riku on the couch and tells him in a morose voice: “We should’ve made you Mothman, Sensei.”


“Mm,” Riku smiles, unsure what she’s talking about. “Maybe next year?”


Megumi has a jolly time talking his ear off about a plethora of Bigfoot facts while they wait, most of which she prefaces are part of hoaxes. And normally a seven year-old understanding the concept of a hoax would be incredibly perplexing, but it’s rare that Megumi can genuinely surprise him anymore. Apparently her interest in these so-called cryptids is mainly that she doesn’t think they’re real. And that is… well. It’s very Megumi of her, that’s for sure.


“They’re tales descended from Indigenous cultures,” she tells him in a no-nonsense voice, “and people want them to be real. Isn’t that cool, Sensei?”


It’s a little funny to hear a little girl voice come out of a gorilla mask. But Megumi kicks out her feet and they are notably very big, and it’s just so- wow, she’s so cute. Riku wants to dote on her forever and ever and ever and-


He smooths a hand over her head and squeezes her into his side for a hug. “Yeah, baby, that’s really cool.”


Eventually Sion finds wherever he put his camera. His DSLR is ancient-looking but it works, he claims. First he makes Megumi pose. She seems more comfortable in front of the camera with her face covered.


Except:


“What kind of pose is that,” Sion laughs. “Shouldn’t you try to look scary?”


Megumi freezes where she’s walking across the living room, her shoulders slouched and her arms swinging wide and low. “This is how Bigfoot walks, Appa,” she says matter of factly, as if this is something he should already know. And to be fair, maybe it is - Megumi’s been obsessed with Bigfoot since summer break started, at least. 


“Okay, sorry,” Sion smiles a little sheepishly. “Then hit that pose again!”


The photoshoot ends up being very cute. Riku takes a bunch of photos of the two of them together and then Sion even makes him pose with Megumi. And then Megumi decides to take hold of the camera.


“I’ll take one of you two,” she announces. “So pose.”


It’s amusing to stand next to his boyfriend in a sea monster costume, but Riku still smiles a very happy smile and rests his head on Sion’s shoulder. “How’s this?” Sion asks, bringing an arm around Riku’s shoulder.


“Cute,” Megumi says. And then she snaps the photo.


They all turn out pretty well. Sion sends a bulk of the photos off to his family groupchat, wherein he immediately complains that his female cousins are calling Riku handsome. But that’s fine. The three of them curl up on the couch with candy in hand and watch a scary movie - Riku is horrified to discover that while he is scared absolutely shitless, both Sion and Megumi are stone-faced at jumpscares.


“Aigo, Sensei, you’ll be okay,” Megumi coos at him.


“Yeah, we’ll hold you through the scary parts,” Sion says, bringing him in closer.


“You guys are making fun of me,” Riku grumbles. But even so they cuddle him to death, laughing every time he jolts, and it doesn’t end up being so bad.


The way they all grow into a very comfortable family-kind-of-thing is a little funny because the domesticity is unchanging as time bleeds into November, though to tell you the truth it may only be getting worse on the neverending-love-and-affection front. Megumi is used to Riku hanging around now, and even Sion prefers that he spends time with them more often than he doesn’t, and it’s hard to dissuade the both of them once they’ve got their mind set on something. So Riku himself tries not to be too intimidated by how settled it all feels when Sion’s such a good boyfriend and their relationship is so peaceful and Megumi, of course, is like a shining beacon in his life. It doesn’t even bother him when she inevitably has to intrude in on their dates. Isn’t that what Riku agreed to? Making time for the both of them?


“Yay! We get to hang out with Maeda Sensei!” Megumi cheers from her booster seat, her little feet thumping as she happily beams at Riku in the rearview. 


Sion’s behind the wheel. He sends Riku a wry look. It’s something like I’m sorry for her. 


But it’s fine, isn’t it? Riku loves Megumi dearly and he’s happy to have her tag along, and so he reaches into the back to squeeze her tiny hand in his. “I’m excited to hang out with you, too!”


Sion sighs but he relents as he always relents once Megumi is involved in anything; he backs out of the driveway and splays his palm across Riku’s thigh over the console and really, they’ll be just fine. Megumi’s overjoyed and that’s what matters, so they’re both going to overlook the fact that she completely hijacked their date this weekend. Now that harvest season's over they’re back to hanging out on Saturdays in addition to their date days, but today Yushi had a thing and Sion, quite wisely, doesn’t trust the high school boys with watching his kid by themselves. But it’s not like Riku minds spending time with Megumi - he was the one to suggest that she just come along with them. 


So:


“Ah, baby, I think you’ll like where we’re going today,” Sion teases his kid because they pivoted their plans last minute to accommodate her; apparently he was taking Riku to an exhibit but now they’re doing something a seven year-old will at least find interesting. Sion’s voice is a little too coy, though: “Do you want Appa to keep it a surprise?”


But of course that only gets her even more riled up. Megumi balks: “No way! Tell me!”


“Too bad,” Sion sing-songs. Riku has to hold in a laugh when he turns back and sees the incredulous look on her face. Sion even defends himself: “It’s no fun if I just tell you!”


“But, Appa, that’s- that’s so mean!” Megumi complains. She’s not genuinely upset but she is very pouty. “Sensei, tell Appa he’s being mean!”


“I can’t pick sides, baby,” Riku tries. Then he catches Megumi shooting him another look, and so he turns to his boyfriend: “Sion-san, at least give her a hint…”


“A hint?” Sion hums. He smiles when that makes Megumi’s face light up in the rearview mirror. “Ah, I don’t know. It’s something really fun. It has to do with one of your special interests, too…”


Megumi beams. “Monkeys?!”


“No, not that,” Riku tells her. They did consider taking her to Monkey World, a monkey sanctuary that’s on the outskirts of the city, but it was Yushi of all people who pointed out that Megumi would probably see it as some kind of crusade to save abused monkeys. Which from the photos online was… okay, yeah, he had a point. The reviews fluctuated wildly between “clean and kid-friendly” and “these monkeys look miserable” and either way, it’s better not to leave things up to chance.  


So they both let Megumi try again. “Is it something to do with the Titanic?”


“Closer,” Sion grins, though that guess wasn’t really much closer at all. “Come on, you get two more tries.”


They keep her chatty on the hour-long drive to the city so they can wear out some of the usual early-morning kid energy. Megumi guesses Shin-chan (wrong) and Jack the Ripper (both wrong and concerning). Sion scratches his neck when Riku sends him a confused look. It’s not like he expects Sion to curb Megumi’s enthusiasm too much about the things she finds interesting, but still. A serial killer?


“Look, I try,” Sion tells him. “And she’s not scared of that stuff or anything.” The guilty look on his face is pretty obvious and it still makes Riku soften because he knows that Sion tries to get Megumi into age-appropriate media, but as with most things, she resists incessantly. 


Which is… it’s really not great if the alternative are serial killers, huh?


“I know,” Riku sighs, though, because he gets it. Megumi’s a special kid. It’s not like all the murder and disaster and hypothetical beasts she loves so much is giving her nightmares or anything. And as long as she doesn’t bring up murder statistics at school, it can’t be the worst in the world…


But Megumi’s not satisfied with their caginess either way. “I wanna know where we’re going!” She’s a little petulant, a tiny kick rattling Riku’s car seat.


“Megumi…” He drawls. Instantly she’s settling down at Riku’s Teacher Voice. “Come on, your Appa wants to surprise you. We’ll be there soon, honey.”


Megumi’s voice is meek. “Okay. Sorry, Sensei.”


Riku smiles. Sion sends a Look over at him, which Riku ignores. It’s not like he’s in the habit of disciplining her - or at least not outside of school he isn’t, he’s not her parent or anything - and even then Sion is much stricter than Riku is about manners and behavior and acting out and all of that. But whenever Sion scolds Megumi he gets this look on his face like it breaks his heart to deny his baby anything, so sometimes Riku’s Teacher Voice prevails by default.  


Sion’s hand slides up Riku’s thigh. It squeezes. Riku only asks: “Are you taking notes, Sion-san?”


Sion’s smile is sheepish and he exhales a tiny, tired thing. “I am, Riku.”


Fortunately for them, Megumi is so excited about the place they chose that she’s practically beside herself when they park and walk some ways to the Kyoto City Disaster Prevention Center. Because if there’s one kid who could be entertained by very grim activities all day, it’s her. One of Megumi’s hands is in Sion’s and the other is in Riku’s; she tries running off and they both reel her back in.


“Hold on,” Sion chides. “No running off. There’s gonna be a lot of people, you have to stick with Appa and Sensei.”


“Okay…” Megumi agrees to those terms but she’s basically vibrating out of her skin from the second they step inside. Sion grabs a brochure and crouches down to look at it with her. Riku smooths over Megumi’s hair as she hangs off of his waist.


“Look, they’ve got lots of different things. If we follow the program we can do everything,” Sion runs through each activity with her. Megumi swoops down to give it a good look but a few of her fingers are still hooked on Riku’s belt loop, which is just- it’s just insane how relentlessly clingy she is. But still, they both look down as Sion points at various things on the brochure. “There’s stuff for earthquakes, tsunamis, fires…”


“Wow.” Megumi’s eyes shine and she leans into Riku’s side. “Sensei, we get to be in an earthquake!”


Riku smiles. They often come to these places on school trips and most kids are relatively enthused by the exhibits, but Megumi’s excitement is… well, really, it’s on a whole other level. And her enthusiasm seems to be more about actually experiencing a natural disaster - most kids are just excited by flashy activities - which Riku would be worried about if he weren’t already aware of her morbid fascination with these kinds of things. But he tries to fix her messy ponytail and agrees: “That sounds fun.”


Both of Megumi’s arms wrap around his waist and she buries her face in his stomach. The look Sion sends Riku is exasperated even as Megumi says to no one in particular, excited: “And we even get to get flooded!”


It’s hard not to be a little enamoured by her excitement. Riku has a stupid smile on his face as Sion rises to his feet, squeezing his shoulder and peeling the kid off of him so they can give Riku a second to breathe. Sion takes Megumi’s hand and directs her toward the ticketing line. “It sounds exciting, right? Let’s go check it out.”


So, with that, they decide to join the next tour group and make their way through the program. They often have to hold Megumi back from running amok with excitement, but that’s fine. Sion carries her through the wind tunnel and Riku helps her hose down a “fire”, which is really just an on-screen simulation. But Megumi’s excitement turns a little more fearful the more activities they do. During the earthquake simulation, she clings to Riku’s arms. “This is- this is scary!”


“It’s okay, honey, you’re all good,” Riku hoists her up into his arms. He’s not quite adept - nor strong - as Sion is, but he manages to get Megumi in a comfortable enough position. Her cheek presses to his, a little more subdued now that she’s being carried by her Sensei. Riku noses into her cheek. “How’s this?”


Megumi hides her face in Riku’s jaw. “It’s better…” At least this is a good learning experience on the empathy front. So, as her teacher, Riku is writing it off as a win.


They sway in the earthquake simulation and Sion stays close to them, keeping a hand on Riku’s waist to keep all three of them steady. A mom of a nearby gaggle of kids shoots them a look and it’s obvious why - they’re two grown men with a kid cuddled between them. Riku isn’t bothered, exactly, or at least not immediately. On instinct he levels his jaw back at her. But then Sion is noticing, too, and he lets go of his waist.


“Sorry, I didn’t-” Sion stumbles. 


For a second Riku feels deeply, deeply upset. It’s just habit, you know, because he had managed to finally forget that maybe he’s the one who’s just too comfortable with public displays of affection. Maybe. And even though Sion always says he isn’t afraid of being looked at, he must- everyone is always-


Sion steps away and Riku’s stomach clenches. It feels like a terribly cruel realization. Did Sion lie about not being ashamed of him? Surely not, right?


The rational part of his brain chides him for thinking stupid things but Sion keeps his distance and half of Riku is burning with annoyance and the other half of him is feeling deeply, deeply afraid. It’s just on principle. But it’s hard not to be afraid, actually, when Sion cowers at one judgemental look. Riku had always found Sion’s unrelenting affection for him to be one of the most consistent things in his life, especially as of late, but now-


“Hold onto me or else you’ll fall,” Riku scolds, but that’s because he’s annoyed that Sion had the gall to let go of him to begin with. They’re gonna get stares anyway and he’s gonna cower at one woman? It’s easier to be angry when there is fear crawling up his throat, so he lets the annoyance bleed into his voice. And that’s immature of him, Riku knows, but still. 


Sion promised he wasn’t ashamed of him. He swore he wasn’t. 


“Sorry, sorry…” Sion is much less obvious this time around, his hand resting on Riku’s shoulder. He looks down to the ground when the woman from before sends them another disgusted look. Riku fumes a little - what happened to the Sion who said he wasn’t going to go back to hiding in the closet? But his wild mood swing between angry and deeply ashamed subdues when Megumi clings to his neck.


“Sensei, you’re so steady! You’d do so well in an earthquake!” She sounds in awe of him and that is very grounding, because his Megumi would never be ashamed of him. Of course she wouldn’t be. Riku manages a smile and presses his cheek to her forehead, sighing. 


“I am,” he agrees, looking in his boyfriend’s direction. “Sensei’s the best, huh?”


The earthquake simulator doesn’t last very long, though, and Riku’s pretending the moment never happened because Sion squeezes his hand in appeasement afterwards and he doesn’t want to cause, like, a scene. Sion noticed his anger - of course he did, Sion is always locked in on every tiny switch of Riku’s mood in a way no one else is - but he seems genuinely sorry because he leans in close and runs a hand over Riku’s hair. And that is- that’s better, at least. It’s not something a closeted man would be doing. The woman from before ushers her kids out before they can get another reaction.


“Sorry,” Sion squeezes his nape. He is doting as ever, actually, his voice still fond. “I just got nervous, Riku.”


And, well. It sounds like an excuse and to an extent it is an excuse, but Riku knows the kind of environment Sion grew up in and it’s already very not-repressed of him to be this affectionate with him. So Riku’s shoulders relax and he tries to chill out. Over the past month his doubt has been eased but his visceral insecurity still bites at him every now and again, his hackles rising the second he remembers that Sion, too, would’ve been ashamed of their relationship ten years ago. But that was ten years ago, right? Some habits need time to be kicked. Right, that’s… that’s all it is…


Riku leans into his hand. He feels a little childish to have gotten so annoyed but Sion is apologetic, and when Megumi is distracted, Sion even presses a kiss to his cheek. “It’s okay,” Riku mumbles. Because it is. Maybe.


Sion smiles at him. “Alright.” He looks like he wants to say more but with Megumi here they can’t really talk much, and you know, there’s more of the Center to see. So they move onto the next activity and Riku tries not to stew or listen to the insecure voice in his head.


Sion always keeps his promises, doesn’t he? That’s what he should be focusing on. So.


They move through another few exhibits in a way that is very obviously familial of them, and luckily the mom who made faces at them is nowhere to be found and everyone else they run into either ignores them or keeps their opinions to themselves. But even more importantly than that comes a byproduct of this trip that neither of them were expecting - Megumi’s starting to understand the very real dangers of the disasters she’s so fascinated by. There’s a helicopter simulator but it’s inside a real helicopter and she refuses to get inside.


Megumi presses her face to his cheek again. “Sensei, so many people die in helicopter crashes…”


This time Riku actually turns to Sion in admonishment and he asks, exasperated: “What on earth do you let her read?”


“I-” Sion opens his mouth like he wants to defend himself but then he quickly closes it. “I, um. I don’t know where she got that from…” Well, at least he’s being honest.


“I read that in a newspaper,” Megumi chirps as she hugs Riku around the neck. “One of the ones at the diner! Sensei, they said every year roughly two hundred people die in helicopter-related incidents. It mostly happens in the military, but-”


“I’ll be more vigilant,” Sion murmurs in a low voice, hooking a finger in Riku’s belt loop and pulling him in closer.


“Mhmm,” Riku hums, unable to help his smile as Sion’s hand squeezes over his hip. “You better.”


There’s not much left to explore after that and Megumi’s fully worn out by the time they’re done at the Center, curled up in Riku’s arms and already complaining that she’s sleepy. At least there’s an okonomiyaki restaurant next door - they decide to take a break from the excitement and get lunch there. Sion takes Megumi from him. Riku didn’t realize just how heavy she was until his arms, now free, ache. Wow.


“Take a break. You don’t have to coddle her so much, you know.” Sion chides him a little as they walk over to the restaurant. Megumi fits so much more easily into the crook of his neck. Riku is half jealous and half amazed by the difference because it’s not like Sion is even all that much bigger than he is. 


“But I want to,” Riku tells his boyfriend. His fingers twist together behind his back. “I’m gonna have to hit the gym or something…” His voice trails off. He’d usually eat rocks before going to the gym but for Megumi he’d do a lot worse than that. 


“Well, I’m just saying you don’t have to. I think you’re doing just fine as it is.” Sion squeezes Riku’s shoulder and the very nonchalant way he says that is new. A few months ago Sion wouldn’t have encouraged any of this, afraid of bringing Riku too much in their family, but now he’s accepted what seems to be only inevitable. Sion holds the restaurant door open for him. “Let’s just eat, okay?”


Riku smiles when a hand pets his waist as he passes. “Okay. And you’re paying.” He’s joking about that but he secretly likes that Sion spoils him so much, so maybe he’ll even let it happen. 


“I am.” A palm lays flat over his nape next. “So focus on that instead.”


Luckily for Megumi they end up being placed grillside by the Oba-san who owns the joint since apparently having a young kid with them gets them special treatment. Megumi is enchanted by the chef chopping up the meat and vegetables and doing fancy spatula work. She sits between the two of them, each of their hands in her lap. Riku hooks his pinkie with Sion’s. Sion squeezes his fingers and smiles when Riku looks over at him with red ears. God, he’s so embarrassing. Riku wants to kiss him so badly right now that if there were any way to sneak in closer he would…


But of course Megumi is a very obvious distraction from their romance. “Wow!” She teeters forward when the chef flips the okonomiyaki.


“Aigo, don’t do that,” Sion immediately pulls her back with his free hand. “Baby, it’s hot. You have to be careful.”


“I am,” Megumi lies. Though she tries it again not even a minute later and Riku’s the one who scolds this time.


“Gumi, come on…”


She sends both of them a pout. But soon enough their food is ready to be served and she’s easily placated by an okonomiyaki the size of her head. “This one is for the little lady,” the chef says. Megumi beams.


“Yay!”


Sion and Riku are wordlessly served. The chef is an older man and the very pointed look he sends at their joined hands is- well, you know, it can only mean one thing. Sion is immediately pulling away because of course he is and Riku frowns hard into his food because he’s very, very displeased.


Because, you know, of course he is. He’s trying to stay positive but at this point it’s getting a little difficult.


Sion isn’t always so skittish when it’s just the two of them, but now he’s acting like a deer in headlights. It’s annoying. So what if one older guy judges? It’s not exactly easy to pass their family unit off as anything else. Shame twists in Riku’s belly and he huffs at himself because it’s hard not to get down about things when Sion scatters the second there are eyes on them. It’s just- it’s frustrating. Riku wants to believe that his boyfriend feels no shame for their relationship, but it still feels like he’s being hidden. And honestly speaking, that’s what hurts the most - Sion, for all of his adoration and the never-ending doting and all of the sweet things he says, still wants to hide him. 


God. Riku pouts down at his plate. This reminds him of being pushed into the shadows and kept off of social media profiles and his contact name being a codeword. Sion isn’t like that, is the thing, but it still echoes an old pain that never got to heal because this is already the longest lasting relationship that he’s ever been in. And Riku wants to focus on that, okay? He knows Sion isn’t like anyone else he’s ever dated, and he knows that Sion is good and kind and a good boyfriend, and he knows that Sion doesn’t act like Riku is the most shameful secret he has.


But still, it’s hard not to curl up in insecurity. Riku stares down at his okonomiyaki and ignores something wet prickling in his eyes. It’d be stupid if he cried right now, so he won’t. He’s just tired and disappointed and he kind of wants to go home…


Though at least Megumi is, as always, a never-ending beacon of hope and adoration. She grabs Riku’s hand back into her lap with a happy little hum. “Isn’t it yummy, Sensei?” She doesn’t seem to realize Riku hasn’t taken a single bite. And that’s just so-


Riku softens. Megumi’s face is so round and cute and innocent and she has no idea of the inner turmoil her Sensei is plagued with. And it is- it’s sobering. It’s easier to focus on her, and so focus on her he will.


“It’s very yummy,” Riku agrees with a smile. He brushes the bangs out of Megumi’s eyes. “Eat a lot, okay? Your Appa is paying.”


Riku exhales because at least there’s that. And out of the corner of his eye he sees Sion shoot him a concerned look. But Riku can ignore that for now, at least, because he can’t let himself spiral just yet. So he takes a chomp out of his okonomiyaki and tries not to listen to the fear nipping at his heels and the voice in his head needling at him in a familiar, sing-song tone: He’s just like the others, Riku. You still mean nothing to anyone, Riku. You poor little thing, when will you finally learn to be ashamed of yourself? You love him, but does he love you?


But, like, everything is okay. Riku isn’t going to cause a scene because he doesn’t want to and he can stave off these feelings and it’s not like this isn’t anything he’s been through before, either. So it’s- it’s fine. 


As always, there are the little mercies. Megumi loves her lunch and even though Riku is kind of too upset to taste anything right now, he enjoys it well enough. Sion pays, of course, and the apologetic smile he tacks onto the end is… it’s acceptable. He hovers closer to Riku when they leave the restaurant, Megumi sandwiched between them and holding both of their hands. “Riku,” Sion tries.


Riku sends him a glance. He’s not, like, super mad or anything. But it’s hard for him to not be upset or act like he doesn’t want to cry just a little bit. He squeezes Megumi’s hand and he asks: “What?”


Again, he’s being immature. But it feels impossible to rationalize himself through the pain he’s been pointedly ignoring since he was eighteen because it’s an old pain, and it’s an inevitable one, and this is just part of the territory. It’s part of being queer, Riku knows better than anyone. But still, but still, but still, it hurts. 


For a second Sion stares off at nothing as they walk down the sidewalk, Megumi humming to herself and none the wiser. But when he looks back at Riku, right in the eyes, Sion’s gaze is as unwavering as it always is. “I-” Sion licks his lips. “I’m sorry. It’s not- it’s not you.”


He says the word you like it should be obvious, like Riku should know better than to take all of this personally. But he takes these things very personally and Sion should know that and Riku wants to be fine with everything and he just isn’t. It’s stupid. Riku breaks eye contact because Sion looks at him like he loves him back and he’s so tired of being stupid and delusional and overeager. He wants to be cold and unfeeling, he wants to stop falling for people who don’t feel the same way he does, he wants to soothe this ache that will forever live in him…


“I know,” Riku says. Because he thinks he knows that he takes up very little of Sion’s angst in comparison to what the church and his parents have done to him. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt the same. But you promised me, Riku still thinks, you said you wouldn’t treat me like a secret.


It’s hard to talk about anything real with Megumi with them. “When we get back, we can talk,” Sion leans in and says in a low voice. “But for now, can you let me- can I spoil you a little more? Do you want to spend more time with me?”


With me, he says, not us. And that is- Sion knows him too well. It’s not fair. Riku should be demanding to go home and have that talk now but Sion, even now, speaks in that gentle, low, fond voice. It’s hard not to trust him. It’s hard to doubt him. Riku leans in closer, too, and blinks away something wet. The shame lives in him but so does the love. Does that make him an idiot? It must. It just has to.


“I- It’s- we can talk later.” Maybe it’s stupid of him to concede on this when he’s as hurt as he is. But Sion’s left hand reaches out to pet over Riku’s hair and he’s such a great man and boyfriend and dad and everything. Riku pouts a little. “But we have to do something fun.”


He’s petulant even now. They stop at a red crossing signal. In one smooth movement, Sion slides behind Megumi so he can move in even closer. “We’ll do something fun,” he smiles, his arm wrapping around Riku’s shoulder. “And I- I adore you so much. Did you know that?”


Riku wipes his eyes with the back of his free hand. It’s not fair how much he loves Sion even with all the times he’s been betrayed by other people he thought he loved. It’s stupid. But he still tells his boyfriend: “I know you do…” Then Riku looks down at his feet. “And me, too, I…”


He doesn’t know if anyone is looking. His eyes refuse to leave the ground. But in his peripheral Riku can see Sion cover Megumi’s eyes with one hand and then, very gently, a kiss is being pressed to the corner of his mouth. Did anyone see? He doesn’t know. But a thumb wipes a tear away and Sion’s hands, smaller than his, still feel so big and enormous and all-encompassing as he’s kissed again. And then again, once more.


Sion cradles him. “You’re so good.”


Riku glances up at him, around them, wondering who is watching. “I-”


“Appa, lemme go,” Megumi wiggles out of both of their hands. And with that, the moment is gone because Sion steps away when she whirls around on them and complains: “That wasn’t nice! I couldn’t see!”


Riku’s hands settle at his sides. But Sion’s palm runs down his back, rests at the small of his spine, and squeezes his hip. “Sorry, baby,” Sion smiles down at his kid. “I just wanted to play a prank on you.”


Megumi huffs. They get the walk signal and she heads off, the two of them following in her stead. Sion doesn’t make Riku look at him but he smooths over his hair and in the corner of his vision, Sion is smiling. Riku’s ears are red. He’s half ashamed he’s angry, he’s half ashamed he likes this so much, he’s also ashamed of his shame and all of it and he’s-


“Let’s go to the mall,” Sion says. “We can go crazy with my card.” Riku isn’t materialistic so his pain isn’t soothed by the notion but he is still touched that Sion, who works so hard all on his lonesome, always does this kind of thing for him. Sion is so good at making things up to him and that might be worse than Riku’s bitterness to begin with because he feels like an idiot for being comforted so easily. 


You know better than to trust someone at their word, the voice reminds him. Does Sion always keep his promises or is he just really good at pretending he does?


“We don’t have to,” Riku mumbles. He glances up at Sion, but he’s already looking at him. “You don’t have to do that.” Don’t make it up to me, just don’t push me away again; he doesn’t say that, god, no.


But Sion turns back to keep an eye on Megumi and he says: “It’s not only that. I’ll be better for you, too.” And, well. That is even worse.


God. He’s so- the voice in Riku’s head suddenly falls silent. Sion is so earnest and he makes these things harder because those horrible men Riku dated were not earnest or sincere nor did they speak to him like they even liked him, not like Sion does. So Riku exhales and lets his shoulders relax and he holds onto Sion’s wrist. It’s an olive branch, but that’s because he is stupid and hopeful and Riku still can’t tamp down all of his want even after all of this time.


“Do you… do you promise?” He hates how small and childish he sounds but Sion never breaks a promise no matter what that voice seems to think. “Sion-san, you have to promise me.”


It dumb, everything he wants, but Sion squeezes his hand right back with a smile to match. “I do.”


And, well. That’s just- Riku has no choice but to trust him. Sion is a good man. He’s really good and Riku thinks he’s good enough to deserve him and so he just has to believe what he says. “Okay,” Riku breathes. 


And so, you know, to the mall they go. 


It’s easier to regulate his nervous system with the simultaneous distraction of Megumi and shopping. The mall is huge and it’s nice to blend into a crowd. Riku doesn’t reach out to Sion again because he can’t stand the idea of being rejected, but Megumi pulls him along from store to store, and as promised, Sion doesn’t waver. 


“Be gentle with your Sensei,” he chides her. “We don’t have to go fast, Gumi, the stores aren’t going anywhere.”


Riku is fine with this because he likes that Megumi doesn’t relent on clinging to him and demanding for more of his attention, the same kinds of things she does to her dad. But at Sion’s reminder, Megumi slows to a walk and says sheepishly: “Oh, right. Sorry, Sensei…”


“It’s fine,” Riku smiles. He reaches out to smooth over her hair. “Let’s explore together.”


It’s really not so bad. Riku feels himself relax as they go to a couple of more stores - Megumi gets a stuffed toy she’s never going to play with from her Appa. And Riku, despite his boyfriend’s protests, buys her a new sketchbook.


“Riku, seriously…” Sion chides him. He doesn’t sound that upset, though, but he never gets upset with Riku even when he’s just teasing. “She has like a million of those.”


“She needs more,” Riku pays him no mind. He squeezes Megumi’s hand. “Baby, do you need markers too?”


She beams. “I do!”


It’s fine. Megumi is happy and Riku grins when Sion huffs with an admonished: “Riku!” And no, really, it’s not so bad at all.


Megumi ends up with a sketchbook and a new marker set and a bunch of cute erasers. Riku would like to spend more but Sion would kill him if he did, and so he leaves it at that and grins as Megumi hugs him in thanks. After that, it’s Sion’s idea to go to the manga store. Riku refuses to be bought clothes because of how expensive the stores in the mall are, but this, Sion says, is a non-negotiable. 


“Pick something out,” his boyfriend prods him as they stand in the shoujo section together. “I don’t know what you like, so get what you want.”


“But you already bought lunch,” Riku tries. And yet a hand runs down his back, then that hand squeezes his waist, and Sion’s touch is already so familiar and comforting to him. Isn’t that kind of terrible?


“It’s because this one came along,” Sion says. Then he gestures at Megumi, who is wandering down the other far end of the aisle. “I had something a lot more special in mind for our date today. So consider this a preview of more to come.”


It’s hard to tell what he really means by that, but Riku is easily appeased by the promise of more. For one long moment, he lets his head fall wayside to Sion’s shoulder and he asks, his voice a little coy: “Really…?”


“Yes, baby,” Sion brushes his lips against his forehead. “So let me spoil you.”


Wow. The offer is so kind of him, and honestly speaking, Riku is a little giddy by the prospect - it’s been forever since he’s really indulged in his love for shoujo manga. Most people think it's a little unusual for him as a twenty-nine year old man and even he’s healthily embarrassed of his favorite genre after spending his twenties being told it’s strange. But his collection is still on display in his bedroom and while Sion’s never seen it before, that was because Riku didn’t want him to. But if he’s really this lenient, then maybe…


Riku only asks his boyfriend, a little shy: “How much can I get?” Normally he’d be frugal but collecting manga may be the single vice he has. Or, well, that and falling in love too easily. But this vice is much more easy to manage, so.


Sion grins. “A few.” Though then he stretches his shoulders out and that grin turns a little subdued. “But not too many. I wish I was made of money for you, but you know…”


Riku smiles something a little too fond. “Really? I could’ve sworn you were rich.”


“I wish I was,” Sion, again, squeezes his waist. He’s still smiling, but this time it’s a tired thing. “I’m sorry, kitty. You’ll have to settle for me.”


Goodness, Sion is so good at sweet talking in that low voice. He pulls Riku in closer and Riku purses his lips. “I guess I’ll make do with you.” And then he grins when Sion pinches his cheek. Yeah, he has it pretty good. 


At least manga isn’t super expensive. Riku picks out a very reasonable four volumes of A Sign of Affection, ones he doesn’t have yet. He’d be a little more inclined to get more if they had BL here, but Riku’s also not sure how Sion feels about the general genre of boy’s love, so maybe he’ll keep that reigned in for now. Besides, the fact that Sion isn’t weirded out by this much is already a very nice change from the usual. Riku feels a little shy about it, actually, because Sion doesn’t even blink at the pink covers filled with roses and flowery lettering and beautiful shoujo het couple in a very stereotypical pose. 


“Is that what you want?” Sion asks. Then he smiles when Riku nods. “Okay, good. Let’s go pay for these.”


Sion doesn’t even pay any attention to the look the cashier gives them when they check out. Riku hides half behind him in embarrassment. It’s not fair. Sion’s interests are all so boy of him, like baseball and watching videos on Youtube and… well, that’s kind of it. But maybe it’s better that way if it makes him so non-judgemental…?


Sion taps his card to pay for the books and calls out to the kid: “Gumi, c’mere.”


“But I want something too!” Megumi wanders from where she was parsing through the fantasy section. Immediately her hand hooks onto Sion’s and the other reaches for Riku’s.


“Next time,” Sion promises. And when the cashier passes the bag full of manga over, he bows his head. “Thank you.”


It’s silly, the three of them shuffling away from the counter, all walking hand-in-hand. Sion is even holding a bag full of teenage-girl shoujo manga like it means nothing to him that his almost-thirty-year-old boyfriend reads things like that. Riku’s ears are so red. He nudges Sion in the side and says, his voice a little meek: “Thank you, too, Sion-san…”


He doesn’t mean to come off as so shy, but Sion smiles. “Don’t thank me,” he says. “If I had it my way, I’d buy you that whole store.”


God. He’s so- he’s so good at saying those kinds of things. Sion chuckles when Riku ducks his head down to the ground, his face bright red, his heart racing like he was just confessed to or something. “You’re ridiculous,” Riku mumbles. And he means it, too.


But of course Sion just grins even wider. “I know.”


They walk around the mall for a little bit longer. Megumi’s hands are still in both of theirs; Sion is carrying the three shopping bags they’ve accumulated. Kyoto in particular has a ton of gachapon machines, and when they get to that area of the mall, Riku watches both of their eyes shine. He asks, curious, “have you guys never tried playing gacha?”


It’s funny. The two of them seem very intrigued by the endless wall of machines. “We haven’t,” Sion looks around, his voice a little amazed. His hand squeezes Megumi’s. “Should we check it out, baby? We’ve got to, uh. We gotta learn more about Japanese culture.”


And Megumi, as expected, is equally amazed. “Let’s go!”


Riku sits on a nearby bench and watches them blow an impressive amount of money on plastic junk with a barely-disguised fondness. He’s feeling a little bit better now - this is really nice. The date, spending time together, all of it. Watching Sion and Megumi scamper around is so cute and Riku even takes a few photos for good measure. They’re his favorite people in the world… 


Or, well, don’t tell Ryo that or else Riku may be smothered in his sleep one day. But that’s fine. He can keep this much to himself.


All of this is really kind of wonderful. Riku smiles down at his hands and it’s a tired but content thing. It’s hard not to be easily placated when Sion treats him so well and he gets to be a part of something so precious to him; Riku was definitely upset earlier and a part of him still very much is, but Sion always makes time for him in a way that no one else ever has. He even lets Megumi get as close to Riku as she is now, and that’s not really the actions of a single parent who isn’t confident in their relationship. Especially given the kind of single parent Sion is. Sometimes Riku thinks back to what Sakuya said all those months ago: Sion is strict about who he lets into Megumi’s life, you know? He doesn’t trust anyone she doesn’t.


And that’s- it’s hard to not feel special when he remembers that. So Riku watches them with a little sigh, still smiling just to himself. As difficult as it is not to spiral, it’s also difficult not to feel very soft over his place in this little family. 


And really, it’s kind of beautiful to belong to them in the way that he does… 


Riku doesn’t feel like he’s changed ever since he and Sion started dating, but of course things are much more settled now. And in a way, he’s surprised by just how settled he feels. Riku thought he'd be more jealous of the time Megumi gets with Sion, or he at least thought that the three of them hanging out together would be weird. But over the past month or so the frequency of these outings have increased and Riku’s been spending most of his weekends with them and now he’s used to the routine, and even more than that, he’s enjoying it. Riku is neither Megumi’s parent nor Sion’s spouse but he’s happy being what he is, happy to help out and give support and let both Sion and Megumi lean on him when they need it. It’s like playing pretend except nothing about it is really pretend. He and Sion have already been dating for over four months and day by day Riku is feeling even happier the more their dynamic grows into something new and very special. 


And sure, it’s true that a part of him is terrified and after this morning he knows that that won’t go away; they need to talk about it because Riku understands what Sion’s scared of but Sion should know that this is important to him, too, that their relationship is unwavering. Normally Riku wouldn’t dare tell anyone that he is insecure because he isn’t usually, and it’s just- it’s kind of embarrassing. He doesn’t like how meek he feels deep down. He wants to be brave and unflinching like Sion is, so it’s a little humiliating to need so much reassurance.


But at the same time, Sion knows him. Sion sees him and Sion likes him and Sion holds him close. And as much as Sion leans on him, maybe Riku should lean on him back. Isn’t that the thing he’s been nervous about? Riku is scared to be too trusting but Sion is the most dependable man he’s ever dated. Or, like, you know, he’s the best man he’s ever fully fallen in love with…


Goodness, that’s embarrassing. Riku presses the backs of his hands to his cheeks and tries not to indulge in that thought too much. He has to be patient with how deeply he’s falling and he will be patient, so he just- yeah. 


Yeah, as it is, things are perfectly fine.


Riku watches Sion and Megumi run around and pull different kinds of gacha. It’s always been very entertaining to watch them play around because they’re really so similar in, like, most ways. They've both got the tinge of impulsiveness that makes Sion give five valiant times to the same Shin-chan figure. Riku can’t stop smiling. It feels like they’re his people, you know, like that’s his boyfriend and his… his not-kid. Or whatever the term would be. Either way, they’re his. 


And he’s very pleased about that, so. 


“Um... excuse me?” Riku’s taken out of his daze when he’s approached by a woman. She looks to be his age or even as young as a university student, walking up to him with a sheepish smile. She scratches at her neck. “Sorry, I don’t mean to intrude, but could I have your LINE…?”


Oh. That’s- immediately, the smile is being wiped off Riku’s face. He figured someone would only approach him with that kind of thing in mind, but still. “Come again?” He’s really hoping he misheard her because he’s not great at turning people down and currently his boyfriend and his not-kid are collecting their prizes and skipping back over to him, so he’d prefer to not be hit on right now.


But unfortunately enough, Riku’s confusion only makes her blush. “Well, you’re very handsome… so I was hoping we could get to know each other…”


“Oh, um.” Riku glances back at Sion and Megumi, the latter of which is now running back to him at full speed. “Sorry, I’m actually- I-”


It’s hard to explain his situation or think up any real excuse. But it doesn’t matter either way, because any hopes this girl had of getting an in with Riku is immediately squandered by Megumi barreling into his arms. “Sensei,” she’s waving something in his face. “Look, I-”


“Gumi, let Sensei breathe,” Sion scolds as he, too, jogs up to them. Then he notices the girl. His smile is as kind as ever, as if the motion is automatic. “Ah, are you friends with Riku?”


It’s an innocent question but her eyes turn wide. Riku doesn’t think they’re particularly obvious but they must be because the recognition flickers across her face, and then it turns into disgust. Riku feels his stomach clench as the girl backs up one step, and then another. “I didn’t realize you were-” And the disgust turns visceral so quickly that Riku doesn’t have the time to brace for it. “You have a kid, too? And in public, you- do you have any shame in-”


“Ah, baby, let’s go make sure you didn’t miss anything.” Riku knows how to act quickly - he’s well versed in this kind of thing, seeing the switch coming with the tiniest shift in someone’s face. He hauls Megumi up, up, up, and heads off as the lady says more admonished insults. “Did you have fun with your Appa?”


Her voice fades into the background but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. Aren’t you ashamed? Do you ever think about how you look to others? Aren’t you disgusted with yourselves?


Megumi blinks. She looks confused by what’s going on, but as always, she listens to her Sensei; she only gives the woman one last glance. “Yeah…” Megumi looks a little nervous, but then she clings on tighter and that’s- it’s fine. 


So Riku stalks away with her and grabs Sion’s hand as he goes, who stares. “Who- is she-”


“She’s no one,” Riku says. He glances down at Megumi - luckily she’s none the wiser about those kinds of things. But that’s what makes Sion realize just what’s going on because the disgust in that girl’s voice was obvious, wasn’t it? It’s always obvious.


Sion tenses in Riku’s hand. “Oh, so…” Then he tries pulling away. “I didn’t realize we looked like-”


“Who cares what we look like?” Riku’s grip tightens and he refuses to let go. And then, coming to a stop, he turns to Sion. “What, are you ashamed of me?”


It echoes a bit, the insinuation, and he doesn’t mean for it to come out so angry. Or at least not really. Riku doesn’t want to fight in the middle of the mall but the people around them are pointedly looking away and he can feel his own anger simmer as Sion just stares at him. Riku can feel it rise in him, the fear and how upset he is and how much the past still eats at him and eats at him and eats at him and-


“Um,” Sion says. “Uh.”


God. It’s not fair. Riku knows Sion has his hang ups but he hates- he hates this and he hates being afraid and he hates still being in the shadows, a secret, something to feel guilty about. “I wanna go around with you and your kid and I don’t care if- if people assume. I don’t care if we look like anything.” Riku’s voice lowers to a hiss when Megumi looks up at him in curiosity. “Sion-san, I’m not gonna spend my life hiding you. These things are gonna happen. So I wish you didn’t hide me.”



Even now Riku sounds childish and upset and he shouldn’t be because he should be used to this by now. He just should be; this is what it means to be queer in the place they live in and he knows that. But Sion promised. He swore that he wouldn’t be ashamed of Riku like the others were and it’s just- it’s not fair. Riku’s eyes feel hot and wet and he has to look away when Sion’s expression softens. 


“I- Gumi, baby, can you go throw this away?” Sion distracts her first, digging into a bag with gacha capsules. 


Megumi sends him a skeptical look. “I don’t see a trash can anywhere…”


Sion’s smile strains. “I’m sure you can find one. Come on, do Appa a favor.”


With a sigh, she climbs down from Riku’s arms and takes the bag. And then off she goes. They can keep her in sight but this way they can actually talk and Riku can’t even look Sion in the eyes because even now Sion knows what to do and what to say and how to make things better. It’s just so- it’s just not- he feels so-


It’s dumb. Now that they’re alone Sion laces their fingers together and tells Riku, his voice low and careful: “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I’m not ashamed of you, Riku.” He steps in closer and squeezes his hand tight, tight, tight. “It’s just habit to pull away, okay? It’s my instinct. It’s not because I’m ashamed of you.”


Riku shouldn’t be placated by these things and he isn’t because he’s hurt. He just is. But as always, Sion means exactly what he says and Riku has to contend with that, knowing that Sion isn’t- he’s not ashamed. But he’s also- he, still, he was-


“You’d rather that we look like two guys platonically raising a kid,” Riku bites out. He keeps his voice quiet but the bitterness still shines through. “Sion-san, you have to understand that you got to pass for so long. And I was always- I’ve always had to be ashamed of myself.”


Riku can’t even say it, the thing he has to be ashamed of, because Sion knows what he means. Sion knows he spent those years in Tokyo being hidden even when he didn’t want to be and letting himself be fed with scraps and letting people toy with him. It’s not fair. Sion got to get married and have a kid and Riku has always been too obvious, too much, wanting more than anyone can give him. A tear runs hot down his face and Riku wants to shrink down so small that no one can look at him or how stupid and naive he is. 


“That’s…” Sion sounds almost speechless - almost - and in the middle of the mall this is kind of a ridiculous conversation to be having. But then again, Sion is still as gentle as ever: “Riku, I didn’t mean it like that.”


But Riku can only stare down at the ground, his hand still tangled with his boyfriend’s. “You said you weren’t going to try and appease anyone any more.”


Maybe he’s asking for too much again. No, he definitely is, and also this is a stupid place to be doing this. But in Riku’s peripheral he can see Sion’s shoulders slump and that’s- it’s so humiliating to care this much over something that shouldn’t even bother him. But Sion doesn’t know what it’s like to be told he is too much, he wants too much, how dare he want to be obvious, how dare he ask to be loved? Does Sion know that, that Riku has never been this loved before? Does Sion know that Riku loves him so much that it’s his first thought in the morning? Does Sion know that that terrifies him? 


“Riku, hey. Can you look at me?” It’s terrible that Sion never gets mad or raises his voice or gets reactive. He waits until Riku glances up at him. Sion’s face is apologetic: “I’m not trying to appease anyone. I promise I’m not. You’re important to me. If I was still ashamed I never would’ve…” Sion squeezes Riku’s hand again and he mouths: I like you. I’m sorry. 


It’s not fair. It shouldn’t be comforting to be told that and it’s not, not actually. Riku looks away again and Sion reaches out, squeezing his shoulder. And then his hand runs up his nape, his neck, his jaw, and cradles his cheek. 


“I…” Riku closes his eyes. This can’t be solved now, not in the middle of the mall, not with Megumi lurking. But he knows that Sion always means what he says and they just need to- “Can we talk about this back at home?” He feels embarrassed now. And guilty. And so, so tired.


“We can.” Despite the fact that they’re in public Sion reaches out to hug him. His hand smooths over Riku’s hair; Sion cups his nape. The hug is nice but their eyes meet and the message is clear: I want to fix things with you.


At least there’s that - Sion is earnest, isn’t he, and he isn’t dissuaded even when Riku has a tantrum even in this very public place. So Riku nods as Sion pulls away, and their timing is perfect because that’s when Megumi comes running back. “Appa, I found a trash can!” Thank god she’s here; they need a little comic relief right now.


“Good job, baby,” Sion grins and lifts her into his arms. Then he sends Riku a smile, holding out a hand for him. He doesn’t relent until Riku takes it, and even then Sion’s grip is firm. He’s not pulling away. “Are we ready to go?”


“Yup,” Megumi chirps. “Also, I’m hungry again.”


Riku looks down at the ground. He feels a little raw and ripped open and vulnerable, but that’s not just because of his feelings. It’s because Sion knows just what to say and what to do and how to fix things. And he means everything he says and he’s so… he’s just really…


Sion’s so good. It’s been a long time since someone has treated him like this and maybe no one ever has. Riku squeezes his hand and Sion squeezes back. He smiles. 


“We’ll get a snack and then we’ll go home. We can group-cuddle on the couch and watch a movie or something,” Sion presses his cheek to Megumi’s. “How’s that sound, baby? You want Sensei to come home with us?”


“Yeah!” Megumi beams. “Let’s go!”


So they go. The trek to the car isn’t bad at all and Sion doesn’t let go of him the entire time. He makes Riku stand by the trunk and orders: “Wait here.” Then he goes to strap Megumi into her seat and put the shopping bags away. 


And, well. Riku’s a little confused by the order. But he waits anyway.


Soon enough Sion’s circling back around to him. “We have to be quick,” he apologizes with a brief, cursory glance around them. Then he backs Riku up against the car and kisses him.


“Wh-” Riku’s a little bit surprised by the kiss because he didn’t think Sion would want to kiss him after his meltdown. But still, Sion’s hands cup his jaw and Riku has no choice but to lean into him and melt into his touch. It feels impossible not to. 


“We’ll talk more later. But I mean it, I’m not ashamed of you.” After he finally lets him take a breath, Sion dips down to press their foreheads together. “Got it, kitty? I’m choosing you, not- not hiding. I’m gonna make sure you know that.” His thumbs smooth over Riku’s brows and for some reason it’s just really nice to be touched like this…


Riku nods. He feels breathless. Sion pulled away before but now they’re in the middle of broad daylight, on some random street, where anyone could see them. And that is- Riku’s stomach flips over.


He’s still upset. But he also knows where Sion’s heart is, and he gave it to Riku that night on the park bench. Both things can be true at once and that’s something they can figure out together. Right? He’d like for them to figure it out together. 


“Okay,” Riku turns his head to nuzzle into Sion’s hand. “I believe you.” He only says it because deep down he does and even now, even after everything, Riku really believes that Sion is always good to him.


“Good.” Sion noses at him very, very briefly. “I’ll take care of you later. But for now, are you okay?” His eye contact is unrelenting as always, his gaze level and all-knowing. “Or do I have to reassure you more? I can do that too.”


It’s a little embarrassing to be coddled like this. “I’m okay,” Riku mumbles. Though Sion kisses his temple and he still holds him close by the cheek, and it’s just- his hands are so warm. 


“Alright, then. That’s good.” Sion pulls away as slowly as he can. “Let’s go home so I can dote on you, okay?”


Riku nods, his eyes naturally lowering to the ground. “Okay…”


So, that’s- that’s good, at least, that Sion is promising him all of that. They get in the car and both give cagey answers when Megumi asks what took them so long to join her. “Your Sensei was showing me a cool cloud,” Sion makes something up so easily that it’s ridiculous, his hand reaching out for Riku’s and squeezing when their fingers lace together.


But Megumi, as she is seven, just pouts. “That’s not fair! I wanna see it too!”


It’s a little funny. Riku is surprised by how subdued he feels as they drive home. Sion never lets go of him except to reverse out of his parking spot, but then their fingers tangle together again. Riku stares down at a vein running along the back of Sion’s hand. He didn’t think that out of the two of them he’d be the insecure one. But Sion has had a couple long term relationships and he’s even been married. Riku’s never dated anyone longer than three or four months. The men he dated were obviously detached to him, like, emotionally, but even the women got a little fed up with Riku’s over enthusiasm and clinginess. They all got tired of his expectations because Riku’s been trying to make his shoujo dreams come true for a very long time with all of the wrong people. But Sion is… even despite everything, Sion isn’t ashamed of him. They’re just coming at it from different angles, maybe…


It feels new, somehow, even though it really shouldn’t. They’ve been dating for long enough that Riku shouldn’t be embarrassed by how good Sion is to him, but with red ears he stares out of the window and blushes. He feels more certain by the day that Oh Sion is really the perfect male lead. And yes, the thought disturbs even him.


But it’s true, isn’t it? Even when he’s afraid and tired and unsure, Sion is there to reassure him. And Sion is always there to hold him. And Sion is always there to coo at him: My Riku, I adore you so much. I’ll be better for you, okay?


So he just… for now, at least, he can be okay. Sion just makes things feel like they’ll be okay.


Megumi falls asleep in the backseat almost immediately. Music croons over the speakers and the GPS speaks in a soft voice and Riku sneaks a glance at his boyfriend as they merge onto the highway, a glance that isn’t subtle at all; he’s caught immediately. Sion smiles when Riku blushes. “I haven’t told you yet, but you look really good today.”


It’s not often that Sion’s praise makes him go red anymore. But Riku’s face is pink and he just feels so- he’s been feeling a lot of things today, namely extremely embarrassed about making a scene at the mall. He scratches at his neck. “Do I r-really?” 


“Of course,” Sion squeezes his hand. “You’re so good-looking. How can I not want to show you off, hm?” He chuckles when Riku sends a pointed glance at Megumi. “Hey, don’t worry about her, she’s passed out.”


“But…” Riku can’t help but be a little cautious. Except Sion then runs a thumb over his knuckles.


“Focus on me, not her,” Sion chides. “I wanna talk.”


It takes Riku a second to realize that by “talk” he means talk. Because Sion wants to… now? Here, in the car? A part of Riku is incredulous but if Megumi is asleep now then they have more time, actually, than they would back home. And then he gets confused about when he started thinking of Sion’s place as home. 


And then that makes him slump down in his seat because of course he does. Riku’s already felt that way for months, hasn’t he. Isn’t he the one who decided not to fight the inevitable?


“Okay,” Riku licks his lips and nervously squeezes Sion’s fingers. “Do you want me to-”


Riku feels a little frantic but Sion only nods. He doesn’t take his eyes off of the road but his eyes are gentle and kind and they’re always gentle and kind. “Tell me what it was like. Tell me how it feels.” His fingers squeeze Riku’s right back. “Tell me what you need from me.”


It’s a little funny how Sion doesn’t make it sound like Riku wants too much but Riku wants so much and he always has, and deep down he very badly wants Sion to be the person who gives him the shoujo romance of his dreams. And that is something Riku’s spent four months pretending he isn’t ashamed about. But he is. And Sion should know that, too. 


So:


“Okay,” Riku says. “Okay, so I’ll…” And then he tells him.


It feels silly to lay it all out like this because it’s not like Riku’s life has been super arduous or traumatic. He’s always been a pretty optimistic person. He grew up well-loved, the youngest son of three, having two very needling older sisters. Riku’s mom raised them by herself and he was doted on a lot like Megumi is doted on, but unlike Sion, his mom had the support of the community around her. Things were always good for Riku in the way they still are; he never grew up not being given incessant affection or attention or care. And then it was around middle school when he realized he was bi and that wasn’t even that big of a big deal either. Riku dated pretty girls in high school and he meant to do the same in college. But in Shinjuku, a senpai had said with disgust, isn’t there where the gays gather?


And Riku knew better than to indulge in something he long knew to keep secret, of course. But curiosity bit at him. And in Shinjuku he quickly fell into a crowd that felt very familiar, quickly fell into different beds, quickly learned the simultaneous feeling of freedom and heartbreak of being queer in a big city. Riku was always as loved as he was disposable and that’s something he still contends with.


The married man he was with, Hitoshi, used to light a cig after they had sex. It’s amazing to me how selfish you can be knowing the world we live in. It must feel great to be as naive as you are, Riku. One day you’re gonna have to be ashamed as the rest of us. 


And still, of course, Riku carries that with him. He’s still waiting to learn his shame. But maybe that’s the issue - he never seems to learn anything at all. 


“I know that I shouldn’t be so selfish about it. You know, being… being out or just not super closeted…” Riku averts his eyes to the ground, one hand in his lap and the other in Sion’s. “But when you said you didn’t want to hide me, I got so happy because no one had ever said that before. And I… I think sometimes they resented me because I wasn’t as ashamed as they were.”


It’s a big truth to unload and Riku doesn’t really want to talk about it, the hurt that’s been following him and how it echoes in his own insecurities. But Sion’s thumb rubs over each of one of his knuckles and the touch almost makes Riku shiver. Hitoshi-san, you asshole, he thinks. My Sion would never say something like that to me. 


“That’s really… that couldn’t’ve been easy.” Sion speaks quietly and then he pauses and it’s a long moment before he speaks again. He sighs. “You know, it’s not that I’m ashamed, it’s just new to me. I don’t want to hide you either.” Sion’s hand looks small in Riku’s but it’s easy to remember just how big it is when he squeezes again, again, again. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Riku. I really am. And I don’t want to be like those other people you dated.”


And, well, it’s hard not to feel a little guilty when Sion puts it like that. Because he’s nothing like anyone Riku has dated and he probably never will be. “It’s not that,” Riku mumbles. “It’s just that people always lose interest in me because I want so much from them, so I just got a little nervous…” His voice is meeker this time around because he still thinks: and you will, too.


But then the somber mood breaks because that makes Sion breathe out a laugh. “How in the world could anyone lose interest in you,” he says. And when Riku looks up, Sion is grinning. “You’re, like, the most beautiful and interesting person I’ve ever met.”


Sometimes Riku can’t help but wonder if Sion really means all of this or if he’s really just great at sweet talking. But still, it’s- his voice is fond, doting, maybe even loving. Riku’s ears go red. “You’re the first person to think that about me,” he pouts a little. “Which is why I’m scared it’ll happen to you too…”


This time he doesn’t look away even though he really wants to. Sion flips his turn signal on and gives him the briefest of pointed looks as he glances over his shoulder. “I know my word may not mean like much,” Sion says. “But I’m kind of crazy about you.” Their eyes briefly meet again before he has to turn back to the road. “It’s not- it’s not because I’m ashamed of you. It’s because I get in my head. I’m just used to it, you know, pretending like nothing’s there so neither of us get hurt.”


Riku nods. He brushes hair back from his eyes and he tries not to feel bad because god, Sion is so good at talking things out whenever he needs to. It’s a little funny, like, in comparison, because whenever Riku tried having heart to hearts with the people he dated in the past he always felt like he had to beg and that he was being condescended to in return. But despite the five years between them, Sion never talks down to him and he always meets him bar for bar and it feels like- it feels like they trust and respect each other, you know? And Riku is too embarrassed to say Sion-san, the thing is that you actually treat me like your boyfriend and not like I’m your pet or an escort. He’s not going to say that because Sion doesn’t need to know exactly the kinds of things Riku subjected himself to when he was nineteen. But hell, it’s just…


Sion is so good. He doesn’t yell or make him cry or guilt trip him. Sion smiles and Riku squeezes his hand. “It’s okay,” Riku says. And then, more honestly: “I understand how you feel. And it’s not bad that you feel that way, either. I was getting a little sensitive…”


It’s not like he’s not allowed to feel hurt, but Riku can admit in retrospect that he might be projecting his insecurities onto their relationship when thus far Sion has never wavered with him. And a part of Riku is aghast at himself for being able to overlook that at all, because Sion is caring and lovely and so, so kind. But still, he might be a bit more bitter than he thought he was. That’s disappointing. But it’s not impossible to overcome that either.


“I don’t think you’re sensitive,” Sion says, never mind if it’s true or not. “I want to be good to you. And I don’t want to make you think I’m ashamed to be dating you when you’re a little, um. Insecure, I guess.”


It’s not fair that Sion’s so good with his words in these moments; Riku looks back out the window because he’s not sure what to say in return. He feels so stupid over his little meltdown when they could’ve just talked like adults. “I…” Riku closes his eyes. “You don’t act ashamed, really. I guess I’m just a lot more insecure than I thought I was. But it’s really embarrassing…” His cheeks burn. How many horrible people has he dated where he can barely communicate his insecurities to his incredibly loving boyfriend?


And yet, Sion just hums. “I don’t think it’s embarrassing. You’ve been through things, Riku.”


Of course Sion would say that. But you’ve been through more, Riku stops himself from replying. Instead: “It’s just- I’m being childish. Because I should know better and you-” Riku puffs out his cheeks. “You’re good to me. And I always want too much from people anyway.”


For a second that sits in the air and Riku wonders if that’s because Sion agrees. But his hand is squeezed again and Sion says: “I never thought you wanted too much. Actually, I-” He chuckles. “I started liking you so much because you knew exactly what you wanted.”


And that’s- he wasn’t respecting a response like that. Riku looks back at Sion. For some reason this is surprising even though maybe it shouldn’t be. He blinks. “What do you mean?”


Sion sends him a smile and then he looks back at the road. “Well, when you liked me you’d always approach me first and ask me things even when I didn’t want to talk about myself. And you got me a gift because you were thinking of me. And no matter what I think about myself, you tell me I’m good.” Sion’s smile even widens. “Riku, really, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me.”


Riku stares. He’s a little- Sion feels that way? Those are all things people complained about him, that he always pursues things too strongly and that he feels too deeply and that he’s so- that he’s too- that he will always-


“Really?” Riku can’t help how incredulous he sounds, either. “You- you like that about me?”


Sion sends him a brief look, a pointed one. “Of course I do. My favorite thing about you is that you’re needy with me.”


Okay, maybe this shouldn’t be any kind of poignant realization, but still, it definitely is. Riku’s mouth falls open a little bit because he didn’t expect Sion to feel this way about him or- or just, like, in general. Sion is so selfless and yet he likes that Riku is expectant and demanding. That is- how is that even possible?


“I…” Riku doesn’t know what to say, but then Sion turns to see the expression he’s making and his boyfriend laughs. Riku turns red. That’s so mean!


“Why are you surprised?” Sion laughs again. “I love that you want things from me. I love that I can give you what you want. It makes me happy that you want to be seen as a couple with me.” His smile is so, so bright and he squeezes Riku’s hand. “It makes me want to be better, Riku. So be selfish and let me break my habits for you.”


God. It’s not fair. Sion, as repressed as he says he is, is always so well-articulated when it comes down to it. His thinking is so rational. Riku sits there and stares because he can’t even argue, because Sion always says just what he needs him to say and Sion knows that Riku is needy and clingy and expectant. And yet Sion- he likes that?


“I-” Riku says again, having to lick his lips because his mouth has gone dry. But he clings onto Sion’s hand and he asks: “Would you really? Would you- for me?”


“What, come out?” Sion looks over at him and smiles when Riku nods. “I would do almost anything for you.”


God. Wow. Wow, as always, Sion’s sentiment is so sweet. Riku exhales and relaxes in his seat and leans more into Sion’s arm. It’s hard not to feel comforted when your boyfriend says that kind of thing to you, though Riku still caught the whiff of- of something. Something was in there, wasn’t it.


“Almost?” Riku’s not teasing, just curious. Sion is so specific with his words that it’s hard not to notice that kind of thing. 


But even though Riku didn't mean much by it, Sion’s smile still fades a little bit. “I can come out to anyone besides my family,” Sion tells him. “I can be whatever you want me to be for anyone besides them. Is that okay?” And the kicker is that he almost sounds nervous.


And, well. What the hell is he nervous about?


It’s just- Riku’s surprised. He hadn’t realized Sion actually put thought into that, something he wouldn’t do, because of course it’s just a given that he couldn’t do quite literally anything. “I didn’t…” Riku feels a little incredulous, actually, because he knows Sion’s history - he never expected the idea of Sion coming out to his family to be entertained in any way. Riku squeezes his arm. “Of course that’s okay. I didn’t mean, like, literally…”


Of course he didn’t. There’s no way they could go around town holding hands or anything. But out in the city where no one knows them, or on the far-off beach where no one is around for miles, or the tiny corners of Japan when it’s just the two of them - or even when Megumi is with them - Riku wants that to be different. Is that okay? Sion makes it sound like it is and so Riku hopes, very badly, that he’s allowed that much.


But Sion sighs and he looks relieved, as if he hadn’t realized before that Riku isn’t entirely delusional. “Okay, I see what you mean. Sorry. I’m just paranoid.” Sion’s fingers tap on the steering wheel. “Riku, I’ll try to break the habit. But you know they’re coming soon, right, and I want you to meet them but I can’t be all…”


Sion mentioned his family visiting before and Riku had understood the weight that held, but that was months ago, before he had meant what he means now to both Sion and Megumi. “Oh, right. That’s…” Riku blinks. “You still want me to meet them?”


He watches Sion blink, hard. “As Megumi’s teacher, yeah. And my friend, I guess.”


And, well, it’s already a lot that Sion wants them all to meet. Riku doesn’t hate the idea and he also doesn’t mind playing the role. At least he’ll still have this proximity, right? But Riku’s also always been curious to hear more about Sion’s upbringing because of the specific ways in which he prefers to hide behind the teasing and jokes and everything. And the way he talks about his parents is so… it’s so detached.


“That’s fine with me,” Riku says, because it is. But the curiosity still eats at him. “Is it okay if I ask you more about… about growing up like that? So I know what they’re like, I guess…” That’s kind of an excuse, but still, he means it. 


From his side profile, Riku can see Sion swallow. He looks wearier now that things have been turned back on him instead. “What do you mean?” But he doesn’t sound guarded off when he asks it, not like he used to.


“I didn’t grow up in any kind of church,” Riku says, his voice as gentle as ever. “Can I ask what that was like?”


It’s all very interesting to see these reactions play out on Sion’s face; Riku watches him process the question. His eyes are firm on the road but for a second his gaze wavers, and on a glance back, he looks nervous. But it’s just a flicker. Very quickly Sion puts back on that mask of reliable father and son and boyfriend and his shoulders tense up.


“I- Sure. I can tell you about the church.” Sion licks his lips and then, just a little, the corners of his mouth perk up in a very familiar, very sardonic smile. Again, Sion always laughs or smiles when he talks about his bad memories. “Do you really want to know everything? Should I start at the beginning?”


He makes it sound like a long, terrible tale. And maybe it is. But Riku squeezes his hand and he nods. “Yeah.”


And so, without much further adieu, Sion talks and Riku sits and listens. Even despite all the talks they’ve had to have, Sion doesn’t often like talking about his childhood or, like, ninety percent of his past. But he tells Riku about Catholic school, about lying in confession, about coming out to his sister when he was seventeen and crying into her shoulder when first she said: I won’t tell mom or dad and then: Oppa, I love you no matter what. Sion tells him about the crushes he had in high school, in college, how he’d go to Itaewon and stand in clubs and leave when someone approached him. Then eventually he’d go on dates, nothing insanely serious. But then he met Tsuchiko; he dated her; he married her. They had a kid and for a good several years he successfully pulled off the appearance of a straight, upright, perfect son. That’s the church, Sion says. They sell you the lie and you die playing the lie, believing in it…


“So you- you just always conformed because you had to?” Riku asks, which feels obvious in retrospect, but before Sion never emphasized the extent to which he was made to play nice, pious, straight son of devout Korean parents. He made it sound like a respect thing, before, but now it sounds like he would’ve died if he didn’t.


“Yeah. I mean, I could’ve rebelled, but I didn’t want to face the fallout if I did,” Sion sighs. He doesn’t sound as bitter as much as he just sounds really, really tired. “But when things with Tsuchiko got messy, I knew I was never gonna last living like that. I was- well, I never told her that I was bi. So even in my marriage I was lying.” Sion smiles a little and glances over at Riku. “You see what I mean?”


Even his smile looks exhausted. Riku nods. “You had to survive…” Sion had it different from the guys he dated before; being queer in East Asia makes the closet inevitable, but it doesn’t always become a cage unless you let it. But Sion was born into the cage, wasn’t he? 


“I did. But then I got to the end of the line. And then I realized I was thirty and divorced and I had a weird daughter who really needed me and suddenly conforming became, like, so unimportant.” Sion smiles. There’s some amusement in his expression but only barely. “You know, I’m serious. I’ve done my years repenting and pretending. I’m too old to keep hiding.”


Riku stiffens because Sion’s said that before, and yet he didn’t really believe him. “I know. I’m sorry.” He feels guilty because he should know better and yet he still let his insecurities get one over on him. 


“Don’t be sorry. I get it, you- you were with bad people. Or they were ashamed of themselves, at least.” Sion squeezes his hand. “But if I was ashamed of you, Riku, I wouldn’t be dating you or taking you out or playing family with my kid…”


Riku blushes a little. He hangs his head. “Yeah, you’re right.”


Sion clicks his tongue. “Don’t frown. I’m being honest. I like you.”


And, well. That’s true. Riku’s head lolls to his shoulder and he looks over at Sion, who’s smiling a little. Sion may be repressed in a lot of ways but he’s certainly not a liar. He always gives up the truth when pressed and if he says he’s not ashamed, then… Riku doesn’t know why he feels so appeased by such a simple reassurance. But he squeezes Sion’s hand again. “Then… then what about your parents?” He blinks when Sion glances over at him. “You’re not gonna come out when they visit, right?”


Sion laughs. “Hell no. Or, well, you don’t need me to do that, do you?” He asks it like a question even though Riku wouldn’t ever ask something like that from him. Never in a million years. The fact that he gets this much already makes him feel like he has the world in his palms.


Riku shakes his head. “No, that’s not why I asked. I was just curious. I get it, your family is important to you.” Riku doesn’t mean to sound so wistful because Sion looks over at him with a raised eyebrow. “Seriously, it’s fine.”


Sion’s shoulders relax a little but his expression is still slightly tense, deeply contemplative. “Well, I’m not sure what to do because I don’t want to hide you from them. But I also can’t afford them finding out. They’re good to me. And without them, raising Megumi would be…”


Sion sighs again. Riku supplies: “It’d be impossible?”


“Yeah, basically.” Sion smiles a little bit, though his eyebrows are still furrowed. “They adore her, even with all the shame I brought them. And I don’t think I could- I’ve done so much to get over what happened when I was a kid…”


Riku nods. He understands that, really. “Well, family is different. Isn’t it? It’s easier to forgive them.”


Sion exhales. “Yeah. Something like that. But I want you to know I’m committed regardless, you know. To you.” Sion squeezes his hand tight, tight, tight. “And I’d like you to meet them. Like I was saying, you can just be Gumi’s teacher. Or my very good friend…”


Sion’s tone goes sheepish. If this were anyone else Riku might be more annoyed about having to play pretend, but he’s actually a little excited by the prospect of getting in the good graces of Sion’s family if all goes well. Riku just smiles. “Of course. Can you act?”


It’s funny. Sion makes a face. At least he’s self aware. “I’m gonna have to practice…”


Riku’s smile widens into a grin. He runs his thumb over Sion’s knuckles and squeezes back. “Are you? Can you hold back around me, Sion-san?” He shouldn’t be teasing but it’s too tempting not to tease because Sion’s ears are pink and he is so, so cute. 


A very real, very genuine droplet of sweat beads along Sion’s brow. “Um,” he says. “Well, I can try, can’t I?”


Riku laughs. He can’t help himself. “I don’t think you can.”


At least Sion doesn’t cause that big of a fuss - he can’t wake Megumi up - but his pout is severe. “Well, I’m still gonna give it my best attempt!” And he says it so earnestly, too, like the idea that he’d give this any less than his absolute all is absurd. 


Riku grins something wide, something fond, something very in-love. “Okay, sorry. I know you will. I can’t wait to see that in action.”


The rest of the drive flies by pretty quickly. Riku’s feeling a lot more normal by the time they make it back to the house and he’s able to forget about his doubt completely because he’s been properly reassured - now he knows to just tell his boyfriend about his fears when they come up like, you know, an adult in an adult relationship. And maybe that’s a given, sure, but Riku can be a little oblivious about his own feelings so it’s just new to express them to other people. Or at least with the person he’s dating it is. His doubt is the one thing Riku doesn’t like about himself but in many ways Sion makes it feel so simple to talk through all of his complicated emotions, so it’s just… 


Well, it doesn’t matter right now. Sion carries Megumi inside and Riku trails after them with all of the bags. It’s not that late yet so Sion offers dinner to both of them. But Megumi is slumping off to her room without question like she’s just exhausted.


“After my nap,” she yawns. “I’m sleepy…”


It’s funny. Megumi has both the nativity of a seven year-old and the general aptitude of, like, an elderly man. But either way Riku and Sion end up cuddling on the couch. Riku leans back against Sion’s chest and lets his boyfriend pet at him and dote on him, as he often does. A palm cups Riku’s cheek. Sion’s voice is back to its usual coo: “How are you so pretty?”


“You’re really piling on the flattery today,” Riku mumbles as Sion leans down to kiss him. His hand curls over Sion’s forearm and pulls him in a little closer as he sighs out: “Mm… Sion-san…”


“God, you’re so cute,” Sion murmurs. He kisses him again, again. “How can you be so cute? Say my name again.”


Riku smiles as Sion noses into his cheek. “Sion-san.”


“Hm. Again.”


Riku only squirms a little when Sion presses a kiss to his jaw, his neck. “Ah, Sion-san…”


Sion’s voice is low. “One more time, baby.”


Riku whines a little. “S-Sion-san…” But when he starts getting breathy Sion lets him go, lest either of them get too ahead of themselves. Riku’s face is a little red when Sion drops another kiss to his lips and smooths over his hair. 


“My Riku’s so polite,” Sion smiles. His hand squeezes Riku’s waist. And then he asks him: “Is that what you prefer? ‘Sion-san’?”


“Oh. Um.” Riku’s surprised by the question even though they’ve already been dating for four months. He blanks as Sion pets over his stomach and something warm and tingly runs up his spine. This is making him feel a little shy. “I dunno… do you want me to call you something else…?”


Unfortunately, he must. Sion’s eyes shine with mischief. “Well, maybe. Why don’t we try some things out?”


And so they do. First he demands “Sion-kun” which makes Sion coo and give him a suffocating kiss. Then “Sion-chan” which makes both of them laugh. “Sion-sama” is too loaded and Riku says it as a joke, though he notices how Sion’s grip on him tightens. Simply “Sion” feels the most natural. But…


“What is it that Yushi calls you in Korean?” Riku asks innocently, blinking up at his boyfriend. He tries the word for himself: “H-Hyung?”


He doesn’t mean much by it because he’s not sure if he’s even saying it right. Korean syllables are hard to get a firm grasp on. But much to Riku’s neverending fascination, he watches Sion’s face immediately turn a bright red. Like, a literal bright red. A hand comes up to his mouth and Sion looks far, far, far off in the distance as if something genuinely terrifying just happened to him. 


“Not that,” Sion says immediately. “Don’t say that ever again, actually.”


“Why not?” Riku pouts. He knows it might be embarrassing - or, what, too formal? - but he’s a little jealous that Yushi gets his own special thing. So he tries copying the way Yushi says it: “He gets to call you ‘Sionie hyung’, so I just-”


“Oh, g- seriously! Don’t!” Sion puts a hand over Riku’s mouth and hides his face in his hair. “Baby, don’t- have mercy on me, please.”


Riku waits a long moment for Sion to calm down. But then he asks: “Why not?” Given his reaction Riku has the sinking suspicion that he knows exactly why Sion’s so embarrassed, but still, he wants to hear his boyfriend say it. 


Sion is silent for several seconds. But then he says: “Well, it’s just… I…” His eyes are getting a little shifty. “I guess it just riles me up a little bit…”


Ah. So it really is a sex-thing? Riku grins, teasing: “But Yushi can say it?”


The look Sion gives him is scathing: “It’s- it’s different. He says it in the younger brother way. It’s innocent coming from him.” Sion’s hands tighten on Riku’s hips and his voice lowers: “And you are not my little brother…”


Riku’s a little delighted by this reaction. He melts into Sion’s hands and tilts his head back to kiss him. “Ah, I’m not…” He smiles when Sion’s mouth meets his. Sion is- he kisses him a little more firmly than usual.


“...No, you’re not.” Sion breathes when he lets him go. His grip is vice tight. “You’re my baby, not my dongsaeng. So never say it again.”


Riku grins when Sion noses into his neck. He’s definitely gonna say it again. “Okay, I won’t.”


They tease each other a bit more but it never gets all that serious since they’re taking the intimacy so slowly. So Riku lets his boyfriend’s hands wander up his sides as he relaxes into Sion’s touch. His hands are smaller than his but they feel huge like this. Warm, searing, very firm and familiar…


In the distance, there’s the rattle of a door opening. Sion jolts: “That’s-”


“Yeah.” Riku launches himself away and then, breathless, he laughs.


Sion has curled up in a little ball on the other side of the couch. His hands cover his face but when their eyes meet, he just groans. “This is ridiculous.” And yeah, well, it very much is ridiculous that they’re tiptoeing so hard around someone as oblivious as Megumi, huh…


Riku grins. It’s just- it’s funny.


By the time Megumi has sleepily padded down the hallway to join them, Sion and Riku have properly composed themselves and are sitting casually on opposite sides of the couch. She’s as oblivious as ever, though, plopping down between them and then choosing to needle her way into Riku’s lap. 


“‘M hungry,” she yawns as she noses into Riku’s stomach.


“Let’s get you fed, then,” Sion looks a little haunted but as always, he recovered quickly. Riku grins at him over Megumi’s head, but Sion ignores the teasing, patting over his daughter’s hair. “What do you want Appa to make?”


Megumi answers with a Korean dish Riku isn’t familiar with. And so that’s what he makes.


It’s funny how the domesticity isn’t even obvious anymore because now it’s just, like, innate on some level. Sion cooks and the food is good. They sit at the table together and chant their thanks in unison and Megumi is sandwiched between them, again, her arms looped with both of theirs. She holds her child-training chopsticks to Riku’s lips. “Say ‘ahhh’, Sensei.”


Sion gives them an incredulous look but Riku appeases her. “Ahhh…”


They have strawberry Melona bars for dessert. They end up back on the couch. Megumi’s planted firmly between them, again and again, while Sion’s arm stretches across Riku’s shoulders. It’s nice. Sion fiddles with the remote. “Let’s watch Ghibli and get cultured or something…”


Megumi predictably falls asleep halfway through Castle in the Sky. Riku makes Sion finish it with him - Sion’s never seen this one either, how is that? - and then all three of them go to bed. Megumi tries to bargain her way into their sleepover but Sion only rolls his eyes and sets her down in her futon. Then he’s returning to his room and yanking Riku under the covers with him. 


Now that he’s feeling a lot less insecure, it’s easy for Riku to blush at the affection and sleepily think about how much he loves this; how much he loves them. He doesn’t say it but he feels it when Sion presses a kiss to his cheek and hauls him in close.


“Sleep well, baby,” Sion mumbles.


“Okay,” Riku nuzzles into his neck. He doesn’t say it but he thinks it: I think I- no, I know it. I know that I love you.


But now’s not the time and that’s okay. Riku doesn’t need to tell Sion just yet, not until they’re both ready, and it’s funny because this might be the most settled Riku’s ever felt in his life. Time marches on and November turns to December and they are still together, together, together. This is enough. Sion isn’t ashamed of him, Sion wants him in his life, Sion is the best person he’s ever known. So when the right time comes, Riku will…


“Hi, Sensei,” Sion smiles on the last day before winter break. In a half-empty classroom, Megumi leaves his arms and runs right to Riku. “Did you sleep well?”


Riku smiles. So much for being subtle - Sion’s getting so shameless with him. He laughs as Megumi nuzzles into him. “I did, Sion-san. Thank you for asking.” He looks down at Megumi in his arms. “And you, baby, did you sleep well?”


“Yup,” Megumi chirps, squeezing her arms around his neck. “But Appa and I both missed you.”


It’s bad and it’s wonderful and it’s the best thing to ever happen to him, them and all of this and their life together. Sion’s grin lights up the whole room and it feels like it could be the honing beacon for the rest of Riku’s life. It feels like it could be and it is and Riku wants it to be. 


“We did,” Sion says. “So come back home soon, okay?”


Riku laughs. He feels so fond he could die. “I will.”